


Blood calls to Blood

by vakaihn



Series: Blood Calls to Blood [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Demons, Despair Demons (Dragon Age), Dragon Age Lore, Eluvians (Dragon Age), F/M, Hawke Left in the Fade (Dragon Age), King Alistair (Dragon Age), Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Mage Warden (Dragon Age), Minor Character Death, Multi, Skyhold (Dragon Age), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Spirits, The Crossroads (Dragon Age), The Fade, Warden Amell (Dragon Age), alistair breakup, but will try to stick to it as much as possible, cleaning up everyone's mess, except her own, future to add more tags, possible canon divergence, seriously we'll get there though, theres a hell of a lot of research going into this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 37,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vakaihn/pseuds/vakaihn
Summary: When the Inquisitor went to Adamant, in the last moments of the battle, she fell from the crumbling infrastructure and when she least expected it, opened a rift in the fade that sent herself and her party, along with the Grey Warden, Stroud and the Champion of Kirkwall, Hawke.  In order to leave the fade, one of them had to distract the Nightmare spider so that everyone else could escape.  Knowing that Stroud was highest ranking Grey Warden and the only one that could lead them, Hawke made the sacrifice to get the Inquisitor, her party, and Stroud through the rift. Ironically, once the rift was "slammed shut" the demons of that realm were banished leaving Hawke utterly alone except for a strange new feeling pulling her deeper in the fade.Meanwhile, The Hero of Fereldan is seeking a cure for the taint, and running from her past, away from King Alistair who decided to go his separate way the night before defeating the Archdemon.  After entering the fade to seek out new answers she feels a strange new pull, on top of the dreaded Calling that had entered her mind some time before.  With new threats facing her friends and old emotions surfacing, will she be able to find her cousin inBlood calls to Blood.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Amell/Cullen Rutherford, Amell/Cullen Rutherford, Anders & Nathaniel Howe, Anders (Dragon Age)/Original Female Character(s), Anders/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Anders/Nathaniel Howe, Cullen Rutherford/Female Warden, Female Amell/Cullen Rutherford, Fenris/Female Hawke
Series: Blood Calls to Blood [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984078
Comments: 58
Kudos: 31





	1. Blood Calling

**Author's Note:**

> This Fic has completed the first story arc as of 10/9/20. The second story arc will begin in a few weeks, stay tuned and bookmark for notice of the new story arc Blood Calls to Blood: Nightmares and Dreamscapes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solona has run away from Fereldan in search of the key to the Calling. She is on the edge of the map isolated from everyone to find the peace that seems elusive to her even in the fade where she has recently started to feel a pressure, or a pull in a different direction that isn't the same as the Calling that she has been hearing and trying to ignore. 
> 
> Marian Hawke is currently stuck in the fade where the Inqusitor left her. But just as the Spirit said the nightmare and all the demons of that area were banished to the opposite end of the fade far away, leaving Hawke utterly alone, but feeling a connection that becomes her drive toward whatever end.

9:something Dragon. Solona.

I have no known idea what the date is. I suppose it little matters. In my dreams, I can feel being called away. A pull that tugs me to another area of the fade. My thoughts are unclear. So many things are unclear. The night before the fall of the Archdemon, is still embedded into my thoughts when Alistair let go of my hand. I am alone to fight the taint. I am alone to fight the Calling. I am alone here at the edge of the Donarks. Did I run away to leave a king to find his own queen? Did I run away from misplaced fame? Am I trying to run away from the taint and the calling that has invaded my mind? This new feeling of drawing my attention to another path has me dizzy. My mind spins. The hot jungle at the edge of my feet is thick and inviting. No one could find me there, and here I can continue my search in the fade for a key. For a link to end the taint. The song has been playing in my mind. It is what drives me now. Or so I keep telling myself. What will I do if I find the answer? Is there a reason to end the taint with me now that I have nothing left. What is the pressure pulling me? 

She opened her eyes to find herself once again in the fade. The Black City ever visible in the corner of her vision. The dreamscape had a faded blur to the edges of the area. She sighed. "I was wondering if you'd find me, care to keep me company?" She had felt his presence behind her.  
"Will you let me out?" He asked so innocently when she knew he was much more than innocent.  
"You know the answer to that Mouse."  
"I'm a bear now. Shouldn't you be afraid or something?"  
"You whine too much for me to be afraid." She studied her surroundings. This area of the fade held memories of long-past wars. She could see men fighting in the distance in a forever stance between themselves and their enemy.  
The bear slowly morphed back into his human form. "What do you need company for?"  
"I'm tired Mouse," she let out a slow breath. "I have nothing driving me forward anymore. I think I'm going to let go."  
"Let go of what? You can let me in and we can go together--" He was standing really close now but she held up a hand.  
"That's not what I mean Mouse." She paused, unsure of her next words. "Something is pulling me. Something that has gotten stronger and pulls at me. I am even now using my mana to hold myself here. It is even stronger than the melody that calls me to the stone."  
"There is something that I could tell you that may be the cause," he said hesitantly.  
"Rare of you to bring me news. Even as I research the taint you've held your tongue. Why? What's in it for you?"  
"I may have found a way out."  
She narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you mean demon?"  
"I wasn't always a demon you know. I was once a spirit of will," he almost said it quietly as though he was contemplating it. She was doing her own contemplation. She wondered if that was why the will was drained out of her. Was he feeding on her lack of purpose? She took a step back and he waved his hand in front of him. A hazy dream started to show a green glowing mirror. And then he spoke. "There are holes in the fade distant from here. They have been appearing all over your world. They center around the green glow in the sky, and they have been opening up all around it. I followed you here as you traveled, but something in me wonders if I had been there back at the tower if I would be out by now."  
"What do you mean holes? How could there be holes in the fade?!"  
"I know not the how. I only know there are." She suddenly felt all her curiosity increase and her motivation seemed to grow. She had been avoiding looking at it; the green glow in the fade. The green glow in the sky. She did not know they were connected. The fade was always an eery brown green. She tried to convince herself it was the weather of the Donarks that were tinging the sky green. He used his chin to point behind her, in the direction she was avoiding. Slowly she turned around and the second her eyes lit on the green her hold on her feet grew loose and she started to move forward.  
"The landscape is vast here, we can cover ground quickly but I am mortal and need to wake up. I will travel toward the green in the sky."  
"I will follow you as you go," as he spoke a light white glow seemed to edge the surrounding of his body.  
"You've changed mouse," she said with confusion.  
"Spirits do that." he replied, "I will meet you in the fade."

She woke up and jerked upward. She stood and began dropping her wards, and cleaning up her camp, collecting the papers and books she had gathered to study. Her cleanup was quick and precise as it had been done a thousand times before and was only halted briefly when she realized she was human and had to eat something. Sustenance was always a nuisance. As she ate she pulled out her journal to write.

9:still no idea the actual date Dragon. Solona

I decided to start trekking back toward Fereldan. Even writing the word makes my arms tingle with anxiety. I can put several countries in the way of _that man_ and I still am unable to move on. I have been seeking answers on this journey in addition to running like a scared rabbit. The answers I have found only lead to more questions. When I get to Kassel, I will have to send what I have to Avernus. It is possible he has found some more information on the calling. He is the only one that knows where I am. I had been getting letters from Morrigan when I was last in a town. I couldn't bear to respond to them. I miss her. I miss them all, but I don't even know what to say. "Sorry, I ran away." I could blame it on my research. I've been trying to. But it's Morrigan and Leliana, and Zevran. They see right through me. 

Mouse has been changing. Every day he gets more excited to keep going. Is it because he wants a way out of the fade? He seems more driven than before, it makes me more and more curious. He has always followed me in the fade. He is a pride demon but I'm not sure why he stays around me. He told me about holes in the fade last night. If he could walk right out of one, why has he stayed? Do not all demons seek to enter the land of the living? Why hasn't he gone to seek out these holes without me? Why get me interested in seeking them out myself? "I'll meet you in the fade," he said. I can't get his words out of my mind. They seem to echo in my head. He is a curious demon. How does one contemplate the machinations of a demon? I will have to think on it some more.

I can be in Weisshaupt in a week's time. I'm sure the First Warden will have plenty to say about my absence, but it will be nice to have a hot bath and some of my own fresh clothes. Sleep in a real bed instead of a camp roll. My tent always reminds me of the times I shared with--of how cold it is even in the jungle. 

9:something Dragon. Hawke.

Maker. I've got a headache that could alert every demon in Thedas. The door to the fade has closed. The Inquisitor and her backup singers got out along with Stroud. He's the only blighted warden that makes any sense. My brother included. I couldn't let him die. But to be fair...I don't know if I am dead or alive. Do dead things get headaches because all I can feel right now is the splitting pain in my head. I should have paid more attention to dear old dad when he was talking about the fade. I used up the last of my reserve mana on my final crushing prison. What's a bug that can't be squished amirite? Anyway I guess I passed out or more likely died from the explosion that caused the nightmare demons to be banished. Can dead things die in the fade? I never really understood that. There's a lot of killing going on a lot of the time and I don't really have the interest in questioning the validity of death... existentialism or whatever. After rummaging through my pack, I took inventory of my supplies. I don't feel hungry so that at least is something. Do people not get hungry in the fade? Or maybe I am dead and therefore not hungry. Or I could be not hungry, but without eating will waste away unawares. Anyway. I have my journal at least. Why not? I also have various potions and other things, some food but not a ton. Wish I brought a deck of cards or something. Does one have a death wish if they go explore the fade? I guess I'm just going to wander here for a bit of forever... That sounds exciting right? 

"A warden must help them rebuild. That's your job." Her own voice echoed in the fade like a betrayal of her own words.  
"Oh excellent. That's not irritating at all. Yes yes, I know I told him to go oh great fade echo. This is enough to make me almost miss Carver's whining. And apparently I've taken to talking to myself. Ugh. Well, at least true to her word, the demons are gone, so I don't have to fight anything. Maker what am I doing." She started to walk around aimlessly. A number of random objects lay around this area of the fade. A mirror that shows someone else's reflection, a candle that somehow spreads darkness instead of light. She thought that might be handy in the future. When she stood still and closed her eyes, she started to feel something tugging at her. It wasn't for an extended period of time, but it started to grow and get stronger. When she tried to run away from it, it seemed she was no further away when she turned back around. "What the?" she shrugged and started walking toward the pull. She stepped over a puddle and felt the pull come from the other side of the lake. Rolling her neck she said. "This is the fade. If I can dream it, I can do it. Let's try walking on water shall we?" She cautiously put her feet out over the water and hopelessly just trampled through the water. "What is a dream if I can't walk on water. Varric would make a joke about this. Ugh I miss Varric. Fenris would be annoyed he was getting his feet wet. I still don't know why he doesn't wear boots. Ugh. Ugh. I'm starting to sound like Cassandra!! I hate the fade." She sat down on the beach and stared at the water for a long time before pulling out her journal.

9:Irritated Dragon. Hawke. It could be the same day. Time is weird here who knows.

Stupid Fenris and his hot glowy crap. Maker, I miss him. Stupid Varric and his jokes. Stupid Sebastian and his moronic temper tantrums. Stupid Anders. Well, he actually is stupid so not much to complain about there. I am loaded okay. They better have thrown me the funeral of the age. I expect lavish gifts and flowers to be thrown on top of my empty casket. I'm going stir crazy. The demons were "banished" (according to Divine glowy spirit) from this area, but even they were more interesting than nothing. I've taken up the hobby of talking to myself, gives me something to do. What I wouldn't give to listen to Carver's moronic poetry or one of Merrill's stories that seemed to go on forever without an actual point. I guess I'm going to go across this blighted lake. I'm so bored. You know it just occurred to me, that I've been running ever since the blight. There's always some battle or some argument or something going on here or there. This is the first moment I've been idle since Dad died. I don't like it. It's dull. I wonder if there's a bottle of fade alcohol somewhere in all this fade stuff. Okay, across the lake...somehow...

She looked around and found a half piece of boat. "Good enough." She put it in the water and sat in it like a teacup tucking her booted feet inside. "Okay. Now." Then she threw a telekinetic burst that pushed her about 10 feet or so across the water. "This is going to be exhausting." 

Fenris, 

I don't even know how to start this letter. A while back you may remember when the Seeker came and retrieved me to tell her about Hawke. We went to Haven to tell the tale of the Champion to the Divine. I never ended up having the chance because the Divine was at the center of the breach when it happened. I met this woman though, that became the Inquisitor. She was so much like a younger version of Hawke that I stuck around to keep her out of trouble. She has this mark on her hand that can open a door into the fade and not intentionally she may have used it while we were fighting demons and ironically Grey Wardens, not Carver though, he's still in the Free Marches. There was also a dragon.  
Myself, the Inquisitor, a couple of her friends, and Hawke all fell into the door to the fade. In order to get back out again, we had to face an army of demons. Hawke stayed behind in the fade so that we could all get out. She was a hero Fenris. I am so sorry.  
Atrast tunsha. Totarnia amgetol tavash aeduc.

-Varric Tethras

He held the paper in his hands like it was so delicate it could fracture at any moment. His legs fell out from under him, paper floating to the floor. His skin illuminated to pure white along the lines of his lyrium. Sweat dripped from his head and his breaths were coming quick and short until his eyes blurred and his vision swayed.


	2. Where to go from here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke contemplates next steps while she is stuck in the fade. Solona receives letters and finds a familiar face. Or rather a familiar face finds her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picture the little shack similar to that of Aladin's home in the Disney movies. '-' idk why but it's as good an image as any.
> 
> I know this chapter is mostly Solona focused, we'll get back to Hawke. She's not really going anywhere yet anyway...ha...

9:Cramped legs Dragon. Hawke

Remind me to tell Varric it was a whole-actual boat. A fade boat. Knowing him he’d tell it as if it were painted pink and I carrying a parasol. I “rowed” to a small island at the end of the lake. I mean the end because it drops off into the abyss at the edge of this island. I suppose the Maker is on my side once again because there is a pedestal here that I suspect will take me elsewhere. Once I leave this area I expect I will find myself ass deep in demons. Because let's be honest, the Maker may be on my side, but He doesn't mind me getting my hands dirty. How does one travel in the fade? I suppose I’ll find out. Thinking things through makes my head ache, so I'm just going to Hawke-it and find out if it works. What’s the worst that could happen?  
[doodle in the side margin shows Hawke shaped legs sticking out of the mouth of an ogre.] 

Solona.

She had made it to Kassel in only a few day's journey but was tired and worn from the road. She was covered in dust and dirt and ached all over. Kassel was a large town and as she walked up to the gates she was met by a guard. "A Grey Ward'n. Not many of those 'round here enymore." The guard's accent was thick and curious, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of the least bit of her travels. She smiled kindly and continued to walk along the road. News of a Warden would spread now that she had been here. She would need to dump her standard-issue blues if she wanted the autonomy she needed. She cursed herself for forgetting that and stole a glance in a shop window to see behind her. Sure enough, the guard had friends and they were watching her go. She sighed and rolled her shoulders. 

Stepping into an alley between two buildings she waited for them to come. Drawing in on her mana she felt the coolness of her combat magic wash over her. Her Fade Shroud lit up the dark alleyway and made her incandescent figure hard to see the edges of. She pulled the black blade of Asturian's Might out of the sheath at her side and let the tip down to the ground to wait on the oncoming men. And come they did. Her voice echoed in the fade magic when she spoke, "I expected to find you here."

"We 'eard about what you did en Adamant. News ev'n travels this far North." She considered his words and decided to hold onto them for future introspection.

"I wasn't at Adamant," she spoke coolly. 

"You e'int welcome." He drew his sword and the 3 others he came with did the same. She sighed again and slowly closed and opened her eyes at them. 

"Is this really necessary?" She said it more to herself than to them as they started for her. They didn't get very far however freezing upon a paralyzing glyph between herself and them. She dropped her combat magic spell and stood in front of the head guard. "I don't make it a habit of killing guardsmen. I can make an exception if you're so keen on seeing the black blade of my sword slipping through your kidneys." She paused as though she was waiting for a reply, but knowing they were paralyzed and wouldn't be moving. "Don't worry, it will wear off in an hour...maybe two. I can't quite remember?" She lifted her head and held her finger to her chin to fane thinking. Sheathing her sword and walking around them she said over her shoulder, "I try to be merciful. Sometimes," with a grin plastered to her face. She left them in the alley and made her way to the inn. She had less than an hour to get a horse before they'd be after her again. 

"That was a waste of mana," a cloaked figure said to her walking in step alongside her. 

"I had hoped the fear alone of an incorporeal Warden would scare them off before having to resort to the glyph. What? I'm sure you've tried it too."

"You hide like a beacon."

"Perhaps, but not all of us are gifted with the ability to run away as you are Anders or are you more Justice now?"

"Two sides of the same coin I suppose." 

"Why do I get the feeling that's only half the story?"

"You've been gone a long time Sol."

"I thought I hid like a beacon? I've missed you too, but I am currently running away so shoo. Though perhaps I have stopped running, I don't entirely know myself."

"That's the first time I've been shooed by a Warden. I guess I should know better with you." They weaved their way through the marketplace while they talked. "I'm currently running away myself."

"There's a shock," she said rolling her eyes. 

"Where are you staying, I have a place secluded from the noise. I'll take you."

"I have to first stop at the Alen's Inn and pick up some correspondence. I assume you'll follow me as you always have." She turned her head slightly and looked at him up through her lashes. He made a face, but nodded. 

They made their way to the decrepit inn on the west side of the town and after rolling a drunk man out of the doorway, stepped inside. Alen was as usual at the bar filling pints and laughing with patrons. A bard sang in the corner a song Solona didn't recognize. She tried to pick out the words as she headed to the bar and asked after the possibility of a letter. Not only did she receive letters several from Avernus but also a brown paper package. She dropped a neat stack of coin on the bar and Alen winked at her before she turned to walk out. 

Warden Commander Amell, 

I hope this reaches you. I have found some of the research you’ve sent highly interesting. I was able to make some adjustments to my current alchemical concoction that I have enclosed a small vial of in this package. Though as I have said before, without the use of live subjects it is difficult to progress very quickly. There is just so much theory and not enough facts. Still, the information you send me is useful. This is an increasingly advanced version of my previous concoction. In addition to your darkspawn sense and your more recent spirit senses, you should be able to detect more mundane things around you. Your mana depth should be increased as well. Releasing the taint in your blood should also give you greater heights of power though at the cost of your health so do it sparingly. Remember energy is the catalyst. We are close to containing the corruption, so close I can feel it. 

The Dryden boys have collected several letters from Amaranthine. I have enclosed them in this package as well. They said something about the seneschal being reluctant to let go of your letters. I'm sure you're aware he's unpleased with the frequency of your visits.  
I have some news to tell you that is of confidential nature and will have to wait for your return. Which I expect to be soon. The time I have left is dwindling.

—Avernus. 

Anders' secluded place was on the rooftop of a tailor's shop tucked in the corner of a street. Half crumbled walls held up the little shack but it was dry and there was a fire in the hearth. It was quiet and the view was immense. It was up high enough to see the mountains she left behind. The independence she left behind. The isolation. 

"What was the last news you heard from Fereldan?" Anders asked.

"I haven't heard anything since I left Amaranthine, though I suppose I haven't really been looking for it either."

"I heard something about you looking for a cure for the calling?"

"I'll let you know if I find one." She wasn't not saying anything on purpose. She just didn't have a full solution yet. 

"Can you hear the song?" He asked quietly looking down at his hands in his lap.

Her throat grew tight and her eyes moistened when she barely audibly whispered, "Yes."

"Me too," he said reluctantly. And she looked at him sharply.

"What do you mean you too?! You joined much later than I did by a few years! How could _you_ hear it? That's not how this works! You're not even that old!"

"Sol, you're not very old either," he tried to sound reassuring but it made her more irritated.

"I know! I don't know why it's calling me!" She was practically spitting. "It wasn't like this when I left, I was fine. When it started I thought I had time, I thought I would get the research and we would find a solution. The Architect found a solution. Why can't I Anders?! WHY CAN'T I?!" She was hysterical at this point and he didn't know what to do so without thinking he wrapped his arms around her and held her. She breathed a deep breath and let herself be held with her arms at her sides and her head hiding in his chest.

"You're supposed to be my commander. The one that has it all together," he teased and she laughed through the thickness in her throat. 

"Moment of weakness."

Sol, 

Where have you been hiding? I have sought you everywhere. I know not where else to look. 

\--Morrigan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else see Anders coming? Because I didn't and I'm writing it! He's not one of my favorite characters, but running away is something he knows a thing or two about!


	3. Letters from Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solona starts reading through her letters and finds that she has missed so much in the few years she had been gone. Hawke finds herself in an area of the fade ruled over by a Despair Demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone doing? Staying healthy I hope. Anyone else finding they're reading through more fanfiction because they're stuck at home? I suppose it's either that or break down more amazon prime boxes...ugh.
> 
> I feel sorta bad for Anders after the events of dragon age 2, I hope he can be redeemed. He was a favorite character of mine in Awakening, but I didn't love him so much in DA2. Hoping to explore the change in him in this fic (aside from the obvious voice actor ;/ ). This is the first writing piece that I have created by writing by the 'seat of my pants' so to speak. I am a plotter by nature, but I wanted to challenge myself to just write and see how the story finds itself. Hope you enjoy!

Warden-Commander Amell, 

I expected you back weeks ago. There are things that are changing rapidly. A breach has been made in the fade. This is not as simple as a thin veil, this is a large rip that has created numerous pocket tears in the veil. Rifts are opening like doorways to the fade allowing all manners of unnatural horrors through. There is a new faction of old we didn’t foresee returning. They are calling themselves the Inquisition. They seem to be spreading out in force and taking advantage of the current crisis. It remains to be seen whether or not they will effect our station. The time has come for you to return Warden. 

—Avernus

Warden-Commander,

I have assumed you have not yet received my previous letters, nor my package. If you have, your response (and your person) is taking a long time to arrive. Perhaps due to the current state of things. The Dryden’s have all come inside the walls of the keep. There are violent mindless Templars that have camped outside the walls. They do not respond to communication and their eyes are red as garnets. It is dire that you return Solona. We are in need of your presence.

—Avernus

Warden, 

I do not know if this letter will reach you as the boy that braved the mists before is seeking to do so once again to send it. He is taking his family with him as I will attempt to cover them with the mist. I am on my own now once again and will assume you will not make it to me. I am running out of time. Ironic that the lifespan that I so meticulously worked to extend will end at the hands of a Templar instead of old age. Weakness has started to overtake my bones. I will not be able to hold out against them for very long. My notes and research I will add to the chest inside the wall where you found Asturian’s Might along with a vial of my last attempt of what I hope will bind the taint. I cannot speak more, if you seek it here, you will find it. I will do as I will as a Grey Warden then, Commander. It has been an honor to serve. 

In death;  
—Avernus

Hawke.

When her body materialized she opened her eyes to find his staring back into hers. “Hawke.” He said it with such an unaffected manner that she had heard so many times before. She nearly burst into so many emotions at once. Anger, Desperation, Desi…oh. She understood all at once. As much as she’d like to deny her sappy need for his presence near her, she knew the demon had her pegged for the need of her lover’s interaction. 

“Fenris,” she said in her cool calm tone. He could have come directly out of her mind wearing the same armor and gear that he had on when she left him last. They were standing in a forest in the fade on a crumbled walkway surrounded by moss-covered ruins. Faded voices came around from every shadow. Whispers of anguish and misery. _’Fenris’_ was not the demon that ruled this area of the fade. Something viler spread in the darkness. Shadows behind the trees started to shift. She held Voracity tight in her right hand and reached up with her left as she felt for the power to cast an arcane shield pulling her hand down with the energy it forced. A globe of cool blue light swirled around her. Fenris, to her surprise, turned around and stood in front of her, in between her and the oncoming darkness. He drew his blade and waited. The trees seemed to multiply quickly causing the denseness of the forest to deepen further. Hawke turned around with demon Fenris at her back and saw them all around her. Fear crept in with the darkness. Glowing blue eyes came out from the shadows. She was surrounded. Her head started to feel heavy, her mind; the hopelessness of the journey she was on.

"This ground is cursed. Only wretched or ignorant souls would linger here," the Fenris demon said. "I remain at your side." The familiar words unraveled her, but Demon Fenris was right and she needed to move. Out of the darkness, spirit wolves growled. She held out her left hand pushing a force of energy through the trees, knocking back the creatures in the path. Still more sauntered toward her. She threw a fireball to her left and focused her staff on the wolves to her right. Demon Fenris with precision was attacking every wolf at her back with his sword. They lunged for him and she could hear the 'thwack thwack' and the sounds of the dying howls he left behind. They edged forward on the path, but it seemed never-ending, the further they went on the path turning back showed they had gone no further from the pedestal. Irritated, Hawke called flames from the sky and brought a firestorm down on the forest. The flames lit the trees and spread through the dreamscape. 

"That worked better than I expected...but I'd prefer not to be cooked..." She turned around and to go in the opposite direction from the pedestal. Running down the path harder and faster but she still made no progress. 

"It's no use. The demon holding you here will not let you go," Demon Fenris said to her. The flames of her forest fire started to smolder and smoke, and out of the ashes appeared a cloaked form small and unassuming but Hawke could feel the misery and depression flowing like a wave off of the creature. 

A dry scratchy voice then spoke, ”it is no use. Just as it said. There is no hope. You have been abandoned," The voice echoed in the last sentence. "Where do you expect to go? There is nowhere to go.” 

"When has this ever worked?" Hawke said more to herself than the demon. "How many times have we done this. Maker, this song and dance?" She was yelling now in frustration to the black city itself. She lifted up her staff and cast her first spell forcing the demon to pound itself into the ground. The demon screamed but continued ranting.

"That's not the _real_ Fenris. The real Fenris has left you. Everyone has left you. He will die, as they all have died. Only you haven’t died, only you are refused peace.” Hawke was pulling mana up from the bottom of her reserves.

"Come and face me," Demon Fenris yelled to Despair. He ran in-between it and Hawke and with a mighty blow, he swung his point. Despair gasped. 

"Feel free to die at any time," Hawke yelled striking Voracity in the fade stone path and pushing all her power through a fire burst that lit the ground as it traveled to the demon-like a trail of gunpowder.” 

“I die. But you remain, forever fated to walk this fade” it rasped. The Demon Fenris thrust his sword through its hooded face and the black ragged cloth that covered Despair shriveled up inward on itself until all that was left was remnant black dust particles that floated off into the fade. 

She dropped to the ground holding her hand on her upright staff. She still had Demon Fenris to deal with. She was breathing heavily when he came over to her and dropped to his knees in front of her and placed his sword before her. “What a nice trick demon,” she said between breaths. 

“I am no demon,” he replied head bowed "and I play no trick."

“Hilarious. I’ll bet you say that to all the pretty ladies.”

“Regardless of the perniciousness of demonkind, my words remain true.”

She rolled her eyes, “why did you fight for me demon?” 

“It was my duty to protect those in need.”

“Duty?” She snorted. “By all means, continue knifing other demons out of duty.” 

Amell.

"Anders. And I mean this with the last several years of friendship with you in mind; what the hell is going on?!" 

"I know it probably sounds like my fault."

"Probably?!"

"I know it sounds bad, but I had to do something. You haven't been here Sol, the oppression has been so heavy-laden. Templars have been taking advantage of their stature and forcing mages into tranquility." She stared at him, a wrinkle creasing her forehead as she sat on the stone roof and listened. "Young girls getting taken away in the middle of the night, only to be tranquil the next morning. Senior magi whose only sins are speaking out against the injustice, are found dead. There was no way Justice would let that stand, and I was inclined to agree with him." He started to continue his rant but the words caught in his mouth and he just looked at her. She said nothing and continued to stare, processing the thoughts in her head. He paused for a long moment before pleading, "please say something. My commander."

"Where's your cat."

"My--Ser Pounce?"

"Yes, Ser Pounce A-Lot. Where is he?"

"Don't you want to ask about the hole in the sky? Or what happened with Hawke or something?" Her eyebrows continued their furrow and her eyes shaded her thoughts. 

"I am still processing how you could have blown up a sacred chantry. Or how my friend Justice could have so twisted in anger that he could have forgotten about the Justice of the Grand Cleric along with hundreds of others. Where is their justice? I'm still processing how you could have allowed an entire city to fall into a turf war between mages and templars. Where is the justice for the families that were torn apart because they were caught in literal hellfire?! I'm still processing how one of my closest friends that used to deflect everything with humor and delight has grown so bloody angry. So no. I don't want to ask those questions. I want to know about how your cat is doing. Because I want to remember that you are my friend and companion and not that you are a terrorist." She spit the last word out at him and his world was rocked. He was hurt, but he felt like he deserved every word. Not even Hawke could have swayed them, but Solona could. His Commander. 

The blue light of Justice started to crack through him, staring at his eyes and brightening around his figure. "Warden-Commander" his voice said filled with sorrow. There was nothing left to say. 

"Justice," she barely spoke the word. "He who is compassionate to the cruel  
will ultimately become cruel to the compassionate."1

9:41 Dragon Amell.

The letters from Avernus are troubling. The news from Anders is troubling. I have letters from Leliana, Morrigan, and Zevran all asking me where I am. Doubtless, the others are trying just as well. I am holding in my hand a letter from Alistair. I can't bare to open it. I've been running for too long and yet part of me wishes I could go back to that edge of the jungle. Feel the heat rising on my skin. Let it all go a little while longer. But then I think, if I hadn't run, would this have gotten this far. Anders surely never would have left the Wardens if I hadn't. I need to continue on. I need to make up for not being here. If I can just get to Weishaupt quickly, I believe they had an Eluvian like the one Morrigan used. If I can get it working, maybe I can get closer to Avernus. He was always one for the dramatic, and he is still very powerful. Maybe. Maybe I can save at least one of my friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1Solona quotes Eliav Shochetman here. I recognize he's a real person in the real world....but the quote is a good one.
> 
> Hey, thank God for Grammarly. Seriously.


	4. Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke is fairly bored in the fade, whilst those she left behind are still reeling from the Hawke shaped hole in their hearts. Solona focuses on heading to Weisshaupt and reads a few unexpected letters, returning one of her own. A broody elf finds more things to be broody about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a writing challenge to myself, I am purposefully writing this as I go. I have an idea as to where I want it to end up, but I am allowing it to change its course and waver through. This is different from my writing in the past because I'm a plotter naturally. I like to know where things are going but I have an issue getting stuck in the minutiae and not knowing how to get the ending I want. Writing this way is giving me a flexible path through the story and I'm really surprised at how it's going. NausicaaG said that they were looking forward to reading Alistair's letter and I almost laughed out loud because... _so am I!!_ But it's been a really fun experience and I am excited to share it with you all every time I post. Hopefully I can stick to once a week on updates, but I've posted them fairly quicker than that so far. I'm so excited to see how this develops!

“I’m going to Weisshaupt.” She was leaning over the half-wall of the rooftop looking toward the mountains she left behind. It was dusk and the sun was streaming its last rays of light on the horizon casting shadows that lengthened as the minutes passed. 

“Well have fun with that. I don’t have a lot of friends there, so no thanks.” Anders was standing over a pot that had been cooking grains and root vegetables. The smell wasn’t entirely pleasant to a picky stomach, but for one that hadn’t eaten in several hours it smelled of a feast.

“You have me.” She said turning away from the wall and towards him. 

“Do I?” He asked.

“You always have me, Anders.”

“Thanks Sol,” he said. “I left Ser Pounce with Nathaniel’s sister.” 

“Ah. That makes se—you’re changing the subject. Things get hard and Anders quietly slips away.” She threw her hands up in the air.

“Pot, kettle, nice to meet you,” he retorted.

“You’re right,” She sighed. “I have no right to ask you to come.” 

“Are you?” He asked. He walked over to where she was and leaned on the wall.

“Am I what?” 

“Asking me. You haven’t actually said ‘Anders, _will you come with me?_ ” He held up his hand in the form of a puppet opening and closing his hand with the words in a voice not entirely his own.

“I can’t ask you that, not while I’m running away myself.” She involuntarily looked toward the mountains again. 

“And yet, you’re the only one that could,” he responded.

“Well if you put it like that. Anders?” She batted her lashes at him and then obnoxiously pleaded in a terrible Orleasian accent. “Will you come with me to Weisshuapt?” 

He laughed. At first, it was small, but soon his arms were around his stomach as he over-emphasized his amusement. 

“Maybe overdoing it a bit?” She asked rolling her eyes.

“Oh absolutely. It was a nice try though. I’m impressed.” He mused before adding more seriously, “I’ll go with you partway. But at the first Warden I see, I’m packing up and moving to some undisclosed location. Not that I don’t trust you of course, but I don’t trust Wardens.”

“Bah da!” She said waving her fingers out next to her face, widening her eyes in amusement. “I’m a Warden.”

“You don’t count,” he said and she laughed. She missed his easy jokes. It seemed like he hadn’t laughed in a long time.

“Fenris, it’s been 3 weeks of you barely eating, you’re sleeping all the time and when you’re not sleeping you’re killing me over and over again.” He gave her a look of irritation. “I can only keep you out of the dungeon so many times. The seneschal is furious. The streets are washed in blood and Maker, you look like a drowned, starved rat. Between you killing everything in sight and Isabella drinking the whole damn city, my guard have their hands more full than when the city was filled with Qunari.”

“Thank you for the pep-talk, Guard Captain.”

“I am the Guard Captain, but I am also your friend. You aren’t the only one mourning her loss.” She turned around so he couldn’t see the emotions on her face. He was on the floor of a cell that dripped with moisture. 

“I’m sorry for not considering your feelings,” he sarcastically lashed at her as though only he had a right to them.

She strengthened her shoulders, spun back around quickly, and said, “Fenris you need to go.”

“What.”

“You serve no purpose here. Hawke was your driving force and without her here, you need to find a purpose in your life. Staying here and being coddled by those who call you friend will only lead to you losing them. You’re out of control. You _need to go_.” She paused and held his gaze. “You can start by finding out what the hell happened. We _all_ want to know what could possibly take the Champion of Kirkwall out of this world.”

She was laying on her stomach with her hands holding up her chin and her feet in the air behind her. She was considering the Fenris demon and curiously wondering about him when he asked “Isn’t there someplace you need to be?”

“Hmm?” She asked “Oh, well I was following a feeling, but it’s gone now. Maybe it’s lunch. I could probably eat.” She started mindlessly zoning again. “Or is it sleep? Do humans need to sleep in the fade? Don’t answer that, not like I could sleep next to you demon.” 

The Fenris demon started to glow and melted the Fenris shape into the formless mass. “I am no demon. I am a spirit of Duty.”

“Yes yes, you’ve said this. Maker the way you repeat yourself.”

“Being stationary is needless.”

“Why? Need to get out of the fade demon?”

“I have watched you with curiosity. I cannot help but delve into your memories and dreams. Your command over your companions, your ambitions; they all make it clear that I have a responsibility to stand by and fight with you. I have an obligation to serve you.”

“As my lover? Wild,” she teased, a mischievous smile on her lips.

“I chose a form as the Protector you hold in the highest regard.”

“Hmm,” was all she said as she stared off once again into the endless void of the fade.

“You have not answered my question.”

Bringing her focus back she looked at the formless entity again, “what question.”

“Why you are not moving forward. Do you not have a purpose, or goal to attain?”

“Everything in the fade is ever-changing.” She started to say more to herself than to Duty. “Time, direction, demons apparently. I felt a pull,” she paused as though she was trying to grasp at something in her mind, tilting her head to one side. “But it’s gone now. Any direction I take could lead me anywhere or back here again.”

“This area will not be free of demons long.”

“Thanks for the advice, oh ancient glowy thing.”

Sol,

I know better than most why you’ve chosen to ‘seek out a cure’ far away. Maker knows I did the same with Marjolaine. I will let you hide for now. But I came across these letters....hmm well let’s just say a certain Templar should really consider better locks. If he didn’t want them delivered he should have been on time to his appointments and not leave me in his office alone with a set of lock picks. I know the pain that resides in your chest and I think he shares a similar torment. I remember when we discovered him in the circle tower. We don’t talk about it, I know he tries to block it out. Maybe he doesn’t even remember me being there with you. You were flushed so red. I didn’t realize how much he really cared for you. I am part of the Inquisition now, a lot has changed very quickly that I cannot express in a simple letter to you my friend. He is the commander of the army so I spend a great deal of time with him. Perhaps you should come back and maybe see him now. The past always has a way of finding its way back to you. At least if nothing else, I can be at your side to repay the kindness of how you were with me when we found Marjolaine. That’s what friends are for, yes? Leave Alistair and his childish games to the palace and come back here. Maybe you can find other comforts...with curly blond hair.

Always yours,  
Leliana

Attached letters:  
Solona,

A mentor of mine suggested that I write letters ~~to the people I regret~~ letters I would never send to find closure and ask for forgiveness. I could never expect you to forgive me in person, I doubt I would be able to find the words to speak. I do not have the gall to ask for that kind of undeserving compassion. I don’t even know what to write here that could possibly give me any type of freedom from this guilt. I recognize that the torment of the demons and the increasing effect of the lyrium in my system heightened my behavior toward you that day, though I do not mean that as an excuse, ~~I only~~ Maker, this is hard. I should have handled it better instead of lashing out at you as a means for which my anger and hatred could escape. My friends were slaughtered in front of my eyes, and I took it out on you, losing you in the process. I didn’t know if there could ever be an us, but I was hurting still from you leaving the tower to become a Grey Warden. Maybe I was angry at you for not saying goodbye, or maybe I was angry at myself for not being able to go with you. After the tower, was Kirkwall and even there my trust in the Templar Order failed me. The fear of mages ended in madness and once again I watched innocent people die. For my whole life, my choices have been so consequential. This is part of the reason I decided to stop taking lyrium. If I remove the shackles that hold me to the Templar Order and find freedom without the chain, can I save those people? Can I find my own purpose again? I am told the withdrawal alone could kill me. I just can’t sit by and lose my mind to it. I want to be in control of my emotions; in control of my actions. I never again want to feel like I am free-falling without any ability to take control of my own life. I’m rambling. This was a foolish idea. 

Solona, 

I’ll try again. Even now I think of you and your mischievous smiles when I close my eyes. Your strong confidence and your ease in talking to me made my awkward nervousness that much more apparent to everyone around us. You used to have this soap that smelled of lavender flowers. I remember breathing it in when you walked by through the darkness of my helmet. A quiet secret I kept to myself, knowing its forbidden nature. I argued with you so much on the day you saved the circle. Looking back now, your courage and strength were what I had lacked. You were a beautiful and terrible storm and I only a tree in your midst. I hope I can someday become your equal. 

—Cullen S. Rutherford

Solona, 

I am surprised at the peace that writing these letters has given me. I still know I could never express what I have in these letters personally to you, nor would I have the fearlessness of expecting your forgiveness, but I feel as though I can let go of a little bit of the guilt in my heart. The pain from the lack of lyrium in my blood has grown immense. There are days where the ache in my head blackens my eyesight and my body feels like I am swimming with all of my armor on. Some days the lethargy is so strong, the lack of will is the only thing that is stopping me from taking more lyrium. Even now my brain is muddled and foggy. At the worst times though I know I can close my eyes and still see your face, bright as the morning sky. “I have confidence in my abilities,” you say to me and it gives me the hope and strength to fight another day. You inspire me to beat this. I can beat this.

My dearest Leliana, 

I can see your manipulation skills have not grown rusty.

-Sol.

She dropped the letter off to the nearest messenger. 

The door opened and slammed so hard the chandelier rocked and several candles fell to the floor. "I know you're here Carver," his tone was low but deadly.

"Fenris," he replied hesitantly. Before he could blink, Fenris had held him by the shirt, his lyrium veins bright as the moon.

Enraged he said "where are the Wardens," emphasizing each word.

Trying his best to be undaunted by the glowing rage machine, he tried to calmly say "Weisshaupt," but it came out as something barely above a whisper. And then Fenris was gone and nothing but the broken candles could say he had been there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Announcer voice “tune in next time when we return to your favorite sassy champion.” What? She’s stuck in the fade, it’s not like she’s going anywhere. I know we haven't heard a lot from her, but I'm banking on the fact that fade time is different than standard time.


	5. Lonely Fade Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is missing some letters, Solona is sneaking away, and Hawke...Hakwe finds a bottle of wine at the bottom of her pack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short, its been so hot here and I was a teeny bit lazy. :p Still 10 minutes to midnight, I made a Friday night deadline for myself! :) Hope you guys enjoy this one.

He was pacing in his office. His heavy boots against the wood boards of the room clomping repeatedly. "I put them in the box and I locked it. Maker, I locked the cabinet. I locked the room!" His brisk pace increased and he was starting to sweat.

"Missing something Commander?" a shadow appeared in the doorway. 

"Missing...YOU!" 

"I'm flattered Commander, and quite honestly I'd miss me too." the Inquisitor said not missing a beat and then adding. "hmm. I think I've been hanging around Dorian quite a bit."

Still pacing he was now looking down counting on his hands, "Or Sera, Leliana...Cole!" He stopped walking and put his hand up to pinch between his brows. "I wouldn't put it past Dorian either."

"I'm not following Commander, are you missing a person?" She walked into the room to lean on his desk, now very interested in what Cullen was missing.

"Yes. No! Nevermind, is there something you need?" He was rattled, barely present in the conversation.

"I was going to have a war table meeting, but this is more interesting."

"Who is our dear Commander Cullen missing?" Another voice filled the air. Leliana stepped into the doorway. "Aren't we having a meeting Inquisitor?"

"To be honest, I'm really tired after Adamant. I'm thinking vacation. Anyone, you want me to invite Cullen?"

He looked back and forth at their faces, his own face reddening "I find myself surrounded by rogues," and then he narrowed his eyes, "if I find out that either of you stole personal letters of mine..."

"You'll what? You should have burned them if you weren't going to send them," Leliana's sly smile spread across her face. 

He fell into a nearby chair and raised shaking hands to his face. "Get out," he whispered with enough feral growl that the two ladies left the doorway with every ounce of courage slowing their steps.

After closing the door outside Lavellan hooked her arm around Leliana's with a grin plastered to her face. "I think the meeting will have to be postponed. I find myself with a bit of free time. Care to join me?"

Just then a loud crash shattered against the door from inside the office followed by several more. Jumping at the sound, the two ladies hurried away.

It was almost morning and she couldn't stay any longer. Avernus needed her, and she had no knowing when he sent the letter. Even if she got there in a week's time she would be too late. She had to hope he could hold out as he did against the demons before she met him. She didn't sleep the entire night, she couldn't even close her eyes. She was sitting down on the roof, with her legs crossed and her pack in her lap. She held the letters she received in her hand along with Avernus' vial. She tucked the letters in her pack, slipped in next to a stack of others. Many unopened. Many addressed to her from the same person. Placing the vial in next to them, she closed up the leather bag. "Time to go" she whispered to herself. She carefully stepped around the other form wrapped up in a blanket by the fire. She had resigned to leaving without him because she knew he wouldn't go back. Forcing him to be with her seemed cruel punishment for a friend she held dear. She neatly printed on a piece of paper, "Thank you. For your kindness. For your bravery. For harsh words, I needed to hear. And for all the times you helped pick up my pieces after Alistair. Thank you, Anders. Thank you, Justice." And then she signed it with an 'AS,' and left it on a nearby table. 

"If you're coming with me you had better move!" Hawke yelled to her spirit companion as she broke into a run. She had arrows flying at her head as she weaved around incorporeal pillars of stone.

"It is better to stay and fight!" Once again in Fenris form, he was swinging his heavy sword at the spirit creatures from a war long ago. 

"Suit yourself!" And she plunged headlong into a purple mirror-like doorway with no idea where it might lead. Resigning himself he ran after her and walked through the same portal.

She was standing hands on her hips, lip curled and hair standing on end. She was standing upside down on an elaborate staircase that was part of a greater staircase system leading absolutely nowhere. "Well at least we'll always have these charming games to play," she sighed. 

"Are you going to run away from every fight?"

"Are you going to nag me if I do? You really do have the Fenris thing down." She was looking at him sideways. "It's called survival. You might be a spirit and if you die you..." waving her arms and speaking in a ghastly voice continued, "are absorbed into the energy of the fade...or whatever you said earlier, I was only half-listening to be honest, but I DIE. I mean...I think... Now, where do we go from here?" She scratched her head a little and started to walk up the downstairs pointing outwards and then turning and putting her finger on her chin and then back to pointing outward again. The feeling is gone, I'm just wandering aimlessly at this point."

"So long as we wander aimlessly away from the horde..." Her own voice echoed into the fade.

"There is another demon here. Prepare yourself," Duty said.

"Has there been a moment I have not been waiting for a demon to pop out of the shadows?" Her question was rhetorical and Duty following what Fenris would say just like him, aid nothing at all. She sat down on a step glittering with wetness but it never soaked into her clothes. The stone was smooth but not cold. She put her elbow on her knee and rested her chin in her hand and looked out around the maze of stairs. "There seems to be very little point in all this walking."

"What need have you for walking when you could fight your demons directly," Duty replied.

"There's no use talking to you. Maker I could use a drink. Hmm. Actually?!" She pulled her pack over her shoulder and opened up the ties. Shuffling around inside of it, she pulled out a remnant bottle of wine. She laughed uncorking the bottle with her teeth and shooting it out down the steps. She took a long swig of it and watched as the cork bounced from step to step up and up until it fell down curiously. She shrugged and took another swallow full letting it fill her body with warmth and relax her muscles. "I'd share but I'm fairly sure it doesn't work that way. Shall I describe it to you?" She paused waiting for him to reply almost feeling sure he wouldn't, so when he didn't she laughed. 

"The real Fenris loves and hates wine you know." She started to ramble a bit about her lover and thinking where he was right now. "Knowing Fenris, he's probably caused more damage to the city than I ever did.. Poor Aveline." She put the bottle to her lips again. "My birthdate was yesterday or next week? maybe it was last week. Anyway, there's a birth year or something. Oh wait! It was Gamlin's birthdate. I guess I don't really care so much about that, but I can drink to it! To Gamlin! May he never meet his debtors." She went to go take another drink when she realized the bottle was empty. She licked the round rim of the glass bottle and then licked her lips. Resting the bottle on her bottom lip she took a deep breath and blew over the hole causing a loud tone to sound across the maze. When she ran out of breath she took in a deep breath and then giggled. "Bethany and I, used tah play the ol' bottle before she was not living." Her words slowed and slurred. She leaned up against the crumbled wall of the staircase, and it suddenly felt as soft as her bed back home in the Amell Estate. She closed her eyes and leaned into the stone. When she opened them back up Duty was staring right in her face. "Fenris my love, I'm sleepy, tell the demons to go away." And she closed her eyes again.

Solona had been run ragged. It was hours before dawn when she left unable to sleep and somehow she felt safer to sleep on the back of her horse when she needed to focus on her path. "Come on Ser Prance-a-lot, keep going." She said in her horses' ear as she leaned on his mane. "Why is it when it's time to sleep, I can't but when it's not time to sleep I cannot stay awake." The sun was starting to rise as she held onto Ser Prance's mane, struggling to stay with him. "It's no use," she said as she slowed her horse to a dense area between rocks and dismounted. She pulled down her blanket from her horse and didn't even fold it, pulling it into her chest and leaning up against a boulder. She started to say a few words in archaic warding herself against attack but after the last word she drifted off. 

A sharp flash of energy hit Hawke like a lightning bolt. It was so hard that she sat straight up and blinked several times trying to make sense as to whether or not she was under attack. She stood up so fast she fell back down due to the swimming of her head from drinking so much wine. "Sloth demon," Duty said with that calculated Fenris voice. And suddenly Hawke remembered where she was and what she was doing. 

"Ah," she said. Then she proceeded to walk up the 4 steps that the cork bounced up and then as she went to put her foot over the edge on, her body floated around to the other side of the staircase and she was able to walk down. 

"Something fuel this sudden stamina?" Duty asked.

"I can feel the pull again. Something is drawing me nearer."

"How do you know it's not another demon?"

"Well...I don't," if she was being honest, she wasn't fully clear-headed after the bottle of wine she drank. "But it beats sitting in the fade doing nothing right?" She jumped from one staircase to one below her making her way closer to the center.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had super David Bowie in Labrynth vibes on this one. "You remind me of the babe." 
> 
> Want to get first notice of when I post a new chapter? Hit the bookmark button! I try to post every Friday, but I'm consistently inconsistent (sometimes it's a Thursday ;)  
> Give me a Kudos if you like my story and as always, comment for feedback.  
> See you guys next week!


	6. On the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two cousins finally meet in the fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting for this moment for weeks.

"You can stop eyeing me Fake Fenris, I'm wide awake now." They were walking side by side on a stone path through the maze. Stones before them unmade and remade with their passing steps as though the path was being built for them but then disappeared behind them. Making it so they had nowhere to go but forward. 

"Sloth still stirs. He is powerful. Can the Hawke feel it?" 

"I feel like I could use one of Isabella's hangover cures. Fade hangover. That's new. It would help I suppose if the ground I was walking on existed longer than the time it takes to step off of it. If you fall in the fade, where do you go?"

"Assuming you would give up the desire to constantly be moving?"

"Hmm. That's the thing Spirit. If you were the real Fenris, you'd know. I am consistently inconsistent." And with that, she spread her arms wide, closed her eyes, and let herself fall backward into the open air. She called up an arcane shield at the last possible second before she fell to hard stone with a thud. 

Duty casually stepped off the now above moving pathway and landed on his feet by her side. "Unexpected and yet unsurprising." He tilted his head to the side while looking at her the same way a mabari would when he's curious.

Hawke rolled to her side groaning. "You'd think the fade would be less painful." 

"Would you?" Duty asked.

"Nevermind," she replied dully. 

Her cloudy mind started to dissipate the fog. Her still blurry field of vision made it clear she was once again in the fade. The song was ever-present in her mind. The Calling. The voice was so beautiful it was easy to stay and listen. Solona rubbed her eyes and looked forward. She was laying down and there was something that was coming toward her growing larger and larger. Before she could process what it was, words were whispered into her ear with such fervor it made her jump and roll to the side getting her out of the way in time for a boulder to hit the spot she had been in, and then bounce off into the fade. 

"How is it that you track me through the fade?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"How do you seem to always find me Mouse? I've traveled miles and miles, days, and nights away from one place to another, and yet no matter where I am; when I go to sleep you find me. I need to know if I am a homing beacon for demons. I need to know if I can be tracked by others."

"I'm a bear now."

"Mouse," she said annoyed.

"I can feel your soul. If I look for you, I can find your pull and move toward you."

"Okay, I want to know how, but it's creeping me like crazy so I have to ask. Why?"

"Your curious, and different. I want to know what motivates you. I can see your worry, I can feel your doubt, you are pressed on all sides and yet you keep moving. Sometimes I think you're standing on the edge but you turn around and walk away. I have observed hundreds of mages..."

"You _fed_ on hundreds of mages," she interjected with her arms crossed and an unpleasant expression.

"None of them were quite like you. I am afraid we have no more time. The demon of this area of the fade is powerful and he has sent his greetings." Mouse held out a hand to show her the oncoming force and then his hand clouded into thin air and he became a bear. 

"Time for more practice," she sang while unsheathing the black blade on her side. She lifted her left hand into the air and felt the coolness of her combat magic wash over her. Rolling her shoulders and rocking her head she stood strong and firm. They were in a corner of a room that broke off on the right side. Glowing eyes came from one of the two doorways that lead through the half-room and into the light of the ever glowing fade. Spiders. She waited for them to come. And when they did, her incorporeal form danced between the spiders as they crawled toward her. She waved her sword through the legs of one and stepped off another, slamming the blade down through a third. Using the blade in the stone, she ran around it and swung herself to kick one of the spiders off the edge of the room entirely. 

Bear was using his brute force and strength to attack. His heavy paw and sharp claws pummeled through one after another sending his prey off the edge also. He used his heavy jaw and razor-like teeth to go for the head of another. He ripped it off and it contorted in front of him turning itself upside down and twitching until it finally stopped. 

Solona freed her blade from the stone and spider and held it in her hand as she headed for the other doorway. It was an open doorway that leads nowhere, but another room was below the door with enough room to jump. So she jumped.

"I have to keep moving. Try to keep up" she yelled to Mouse. There was a bridge of floating stepping stones that she raced across to the other side. Her blood was burning inside her, the pull she felt was so intense that she raced toward that direction but her legs started to grow heavy and she couldn't run as fast, and then she couldn't run at all, and then she had to walk as she came to the edge of a great chasm far enough that she couldn't jump and wide enough that she couldn't go around, but just on the other side of the chasm was someone else. Solona dropped her combat magic and stood at the edge staring off at a woman on the other side. 

She was clear. There was no fog or blur in her appearance as one typically has in the fade. She standing as real as a person: clear and solid. When Solona opened her mouth to speak her thousand questions the sound died in the echoing boom of the demon that spoke between them. 

"I have watched you the moment you entered my realm little Hawke. I even called your blood to meet you here. Now you stand, far enough that you cannot reach and yet close enough that you can see her there." The voice paused for a moment and then continued, "Now you can see the futility of it all. There is nowhere left to run."

"Show yourself Demon," Hawke yelled looking toward the sky. But instead of the sky, an inky black fog grew between the chasm walls. Billowing out, the Sloth demon took his form in between the chasm in a long dark robe that held on to the darkening fog. 

"Huh. One never expects creatures like those, really," the woman on the other side commented casually. Hawke almost could have laughed at her manner. Reaching up into the sky, Hawke pulled down the magical willpower to strike the creature with lightning. The woman on the other side held the hilt of her sword upside down and lit up in bright light causing her to exist as a spirit would. The two women across the chasm cast spells back and forth as the sloth demon almost helpless was beaten back down into the chasm with a loud scream of despair. 

With the battle over The woman on the other side sheathed her sword and then yelled "Who are you? What are you doing here? How are you in the fade?"

"You're a person? Like a real person? You look like a spirit. Am I trusting your real?"

"Me? Oh. Fade Shroud." The woman dropped her combat magic and became more visible. 

"Huh. Shiny," Hawke said, just as the Fenris Spirit came up behind her.

"Who is that?" He asked.

"I don't know I was trying to ask," Hawke said.

"My name is Solona Amell," the woman interjected. "And I would ask your name as well." Unfortunately, before Hawke could answer, grey hands reached out around Solona and pulled her back through the fade and she disappeared. Hawke unconsciously had her hand reached out before her. Her sole connection faded.

"Someone called her back through the veil," Duty said. 

"Of course they did. Who would leave the Hero of Fereldan alone." Hawke collapsed down on the edge of the chasm, pulling her knees up and hiding her face in them. "Even if you are a demon, thank you for staying," she mumbled through her knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a little short this week. But stay tuned for more to come!!
> 
> By the way, I realized recently in my haste to write these chapters by the seat of my pants, I've spelled a few names wrong. I'm so sorry Leliana. I'll probably go back in the next few days and fix them. Apologies.


	7. I said I would come.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ander's catches back up with Solona, while Hawke meets Mouse in the fade.

Her eyes snapped open. Immediately the snapped shut. The bright white light emanating from Justice pierced her vision making her cry out and fall out of his arms. “If you’re awake Commander, you may eradicate this filth.” 

“Andraste’s Ass Justice!” She yelled at him rubbing her eyes. Regaining her composure and standing up slowly, she clapped and her Hand of Winter froze their enemies in a circle around them. “Mine or yours?” She asked. He looked at her as the bright light of Justice dimmed and Anders (off balance), took two steps back. She grabbed Asturian's Might from a sheath on the ground not far from them and walked back to the circle where she cut the blade in one smooth movement around them, stopping before the last. His eyes held panic as he stared at her and then at the shattered allies he once had minutes before.

“Their armor looks Ander,” he said standing in front of the frozen man. “I’m ninety percent certain I didn’t piss off anyone in the Anderfels, or at least I haven't been here for that long.”

“Well the day’s still young,” she said and then paused “besides, I've seen you piss off quite a few wardens in five minutes with just two or three sassy comments.”

“Why did you go without me Sol?” 

“I didn’t want you to feel like you were being dragged back, I’m not a templar Anders, and I don’t keep slaves.”

“I said I would come.”

“Are you pouting? You would have cursed me for bringing you and your pouting that I didn’t?”

“At least I had options I suppose,” he said and she could only grunt in response. “I’ve been caught up in my own problems, I forgot what it’s like following after you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You’re a natural disaster…Commander,” he added the last part for respect.

“A disaster?! I am not a disaster!” She yelled a little louder than necessary for the tone of the conversation.

“You warded your dreams, but not your physical body. Either you forgot. Which I can see you doing. Or your dreams have been so dark as of late, you fear your dreams more than the world.” He trailed off as though his words were fading away.

“Hmpf.” In the time of their conversation, the cool ice melted away on the last attacker and he was using his hands to pull on his leg when his foot came free from the boot that was stuck in the ice and he started to run. He said something with such distaste in Anders that she didn't understand. She didn’t even turn around when she flicked her hand and a lightning bolt struck from the sky. She sighed loudly. "You could have just given up, you know..."

"Justice says he said 'traitor' in the Anderfel language."

"Have I been gone too long?" she wondered.

"Who are you?" Hawke yelled across the chasm.

The bear that had morphed into a man stood looking out at them on the other side. "I can answer that," Duty responded. "Pride. This is a demon of Pride."

"Why is a pride demon following around my cousin?" 

"Because she told me I didn't have to hide," the demon responded.

"Maker--What is it with the coded speech you spirits speak."

"Don't let him corrupt you," Duty said holding his sword up. "Let him speak no more."

"Sparkling personality that one, I know. But I am curious. Duty, you'll have to oblige me a little bit. You see I'm very apt to dealing with conflicting personalities because I've had a lot of practice between Isabella and Aveline, Anders and Merrill, Fenris and...well everyone... I have been in between quite a few friends. But Duty, I need to ask questions. And I need to know answers because I'm am going crazy and I need to know if I am going to be able to get out of here or if I'm stuck with a faded version of my lover forever. Now. What do you know about Solona Amell Demon?"

Sol, 

Remember Connor? I saw him in Redcliff recently. The poor sod is a shell of a human. I don't know that he'll ever get over that time with the demon. Eamon and Isolde live here in Denerim but Connor is with the mages, so I hadn't seen him in a while. I hope he doesn't go on a crazy killing spree any time soon, but he's probably with the other mages now high up in the mountains north of Haven. That's where the Inquisition is located now. New lot them. Seem to be taking over half my kingdom under my nose. They aren't all bad though, that Inquisitor seems to be a decent headed lady. She used to be Dalish. Or maybe still is, I'm not entirely sure if you stop being Dalish. My experience has been limited to those we met during the blight. Remember the blight? I know I'm dithering, and Sol my dear, (actually I don't know if I'm allowed to call you that anymore), but I'm King so I'll allow it. Sol my dear, I have written you dozens of letters and that blighted Senechal knows more than he lets on, so I have a feeling they have been delivered. But they have all gone up in dust knowing you won't respond. I miss you. 

Alistair Theirin

He poured the candle wax over the edge of the envelope and stamped his signet ring into the soft wax, marking the symbol of the King of Fereldan. He personally handed it to the messenger to deliver to Amaranthine knowing it would take a miracle to reach its destination in her hands. 

Dragon: Lost Hawke

I could feel her. I could feel the pulse of her heart, pushing the blood in her veins. I could feel the tainted darkness, I could feel the power. Maker’s breath, the power she wields. Duty tells me that the fade brings you to your desires and the sloth demon said he brought her here. My blood. My mother told me that the Hero of Fereldan was my cousin. Isn’t the favorite pastime of demons to twist the truth? Did I bring her? That kind of depth of power was… How is that possible? I ask to my journal in the fade...not in a dream... Just an everyday thing. Why do I still ask the possible question? The Maker seems to find more things for me to question their possibility daily. 

So if the reason I was being pulled was all because of my sweet cousin that once again left me in the fade...what do I do now that she's not? Duty hates the demon. No surprise there. But I get the feeling that my cousin allowed him to follow her. The immense wealth of power that she sustains could have easily wiped out such a lesser demon. He calls himself Bear, Duty only calls him Pride. I'm going to keep an eye on him methinks.

9:41 Dragon Cullen

The pain is immense. No healing herbs or tonics seem to do more than dull the throbbing in my head. My letters are gone. I suspect Leliana sent them to Solona. She had no right to send them. No. I cannot hold onto it anymore. It is a small mercy that no one can find Solona right now anyway. If they had she would be the leader of the Inquisition. It was originally our task to find her for this role. The Inquisitor has proven herself to be more capable than I expected and I have vowed my allegiance to her. But I do wonder what it would have been like if Sol were here instead. What may have happened in that case? Maybe we wouldn't have had to abandon Haven. Though it seems to have worked out fine being in this fortress. The Maker guides His chosen. There was perhaps a reason she is out of reach. I've had to skip several morning drills this week. My hands shake so bad holding a sword looks infantile. I have almost begged Cassandra to find a replacement. She refuses. The Inquisitor is supportive but can offer no much more than encouraging words. I will focus on my work. I will focus on bringing Samson to justice.

"You named your horse Ser Prance-a-lot."

"Well it's better than Fredrick," she teased and he laughed with her. "Isn't that right Ser Prance-a-lot," she said with a groan-worthy baby talk voice and followed it with a very human "Neigh!" She rubbed his neck and smiled at him. She had just bought him at a stable for quite a bit of coin when the sun had barely risen so he was very new to her. But she was a master survivalist and was able to soothe him and win him over to her very quickly. It was a trick of her trade along with her ease of coercion that gave her a silver tongue to man and beast. "It's a bit of a trip this," she said while mounting her horse. "Are you sure you want to come?"

"Yes. I am ready." The way he said it made him sound resigned. She wondered if he meant he was ready to go back to the Wardens. She narrowed his eyes at him but he was looking in another direction.

"There is a life in danger Anders. I am almost certain he is already dead." She was looking out over the red sand in the hot sun that seemed to go on forever. For a moment she was swayed by the hopelessness of the task. But she shook her head and more determinedly said "We need to make haste." 

"Then let us be off." The pair traveled out from the rocky outcropping she had slept in down the sandy desolate land. The wind blew ribbons of dust across the area. It was later in the day and dusk was starting to settle over the sea of sand. 

"We can be in Hossberg by morning," she yelled over the beating of the hooves.

"If we aren't delayed by darkspawn. Or worse." He yelled back.

"I can handle a few darkspawn. I've had some practice." 

"Just a bit" he yelled back. And there they were again two Grey Wardens on a quest with only a few darkspawn between them and Weisshaupt. It felt nostalgic for her. It felt like normalcy. One of her closest friends riding side by side with her. She once told Alistair that home was wherever he was, where the Wardens went. She had meant at the time that she just wanted to be with him, but now she was far far away from the King of Fereldan and she still felt like she was home.


	8. A walk through to darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When we last saw our hero and her companion, they were on their way to Weisshaupt, stopping briefly for supplies in Hossberg. The Champion was last seen in the fade...
> 
> still...
> 
> hanging out...
> 
> going...
> 
> nowhere...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day early for you <3 Enjoy it! It was fun to write this week!!

"The fade leads you to your desires," Duty said.  
"And what is it that I desire?" she retorted. Marian Hawke was seated on the edge of a floating island that seemed stagnant in the suspension of the fade. She was taking pebbles from around her seat and throwing them like skipping stones across nothingness. 

"Freedom," he said bluntly. "Have you ever wanted anything beyond freedom? Was it not common ground between you and the Fenris."

"You talking of him while masquerading as him is a fun thing I'd never expected to experience."

"Do you wish me to change this form?"

"No." She said it quicker than was necessary, and firm. There was pain there that she masked but difficult to hide in the flinching of her face.

"The Hero you call 'cousin' may have been drawn by your desire for freedom. I was drawn by your desire for freedom and the futility it is to obtain. You are a pitiful creature."

"I'll bet you say that to all the girls."

"Solona said she was being pulled," Mouse added quietly.

"I would say that I was also being pulled. What does Solona desire?"

Across the dry desolate ground and just ahead of them was the gates of Weisshaupt.   
"So it led you to a woman?" Ander's asked.

"She was strange though, I felt connected to her." They had begun to walk their horses for fear of losing them to the roughness of the land. They were able to walk side by side with their horses on their outsides.

"It sounds as though you were bound to her."

"Bound to someone in the fade? Do you think she was a spirit?" 

"No," he responded with such a furrowed brow she couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. "If she was a spirit she would be bound to your body, not your soul. You would be physically linked." 

"Like you and Justice. Wynne and Faith."

"Yes. But I am puzzled by her clarity. You said she was clear. No fade or blur."

"Like a real person in the fade."

"Is that possible? I'm not saying what you've said is not true, but even the best of mages can be tricked by demons."

"It wasn't a demon," she said and then quickly changed the subject. "We're almost there." She felt like her throat was starting to close up. "Are you... Should we say our goodbyes here? Where will you go?"  
He only opened his mouth to start speaking when a blue streaked light burst toward him. Through pure reflex, Solona cast Repulsion Field and then Paralyze on the blue wraith coming straight for Anders.

"Fenris?" Anders said laying on the ground after being knocked back.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know you knew him. I casted out of pure reflex! I'll drop it," she said nervously.

"NO!" Anders yelled with his hand up and she turned to him. "He might actually kill me." He stood and started to dust the sand off of his robes.

"I mean...I am actually really unsurprised by this revelation. I'll loosen him up a bit at least." She held up her hand and moved a finger or two very gently until he could move his head. 

"Where's Hawke," he seethed. 

Ander's confusion was legitimate and contagious. "What do you mean 'Where's Hawke?' The last time I saw her she was debating on whether or not to kill me."

"Her too huh. Again, I'm not super shocked here," Solona said bluntly.

"She was tracking down the Grey Wardens after her brother started hearing things. Three weeks ago I got a letter from Varric saying she's dead. And now I find you here at the Warden's gates. I should have known you'd be involved mage." He was spitting fury with every word.

"So uh...I know I'm sort of an outsider here...but who's Hawke?"

"She's the Champion I told you I had been following," Anders said his face had turned white and he collapsed in a controlled manner to the dirt.

"That must be why the name sounds so familiar," she was lost in thought now, and they were arguing. 

"Sol?" Anders snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh, do you want me to drop the Paralyze? Please don't kill him. I mean, I know he's a pain in the arse, but I like him and I get really irritated when my friends--"

"No Sol, I wanted to ask if you'd help us...I mean Fenris and I find out what happened. This is a Warden business, right? Please Sol, she was....she was a friend." His pallor hadn't regained color and his eyes grew intense and glossy. 

"Maker. Why does this always happen to me? Sure, why not, do you have some random side quest you need to be done too on the way? Some random sheep herded?"

"She's kidding," Anders said to Fenris as if to hold him back from strangling her. 

"If I let you go, will you attempt to kill Anders?"

"Why would I even hesitate?" Fenris' face held a deeply angered look that could have melted bricks. The darkness under his eyes made him look like he hadn't slept or even ate anything in weeks.

"Because I will help you if you don't. Are people just deaf listening to me? I am the bloody Hero of Fereldan, the Commander of the Grey, the Leader of the Silver Order, and the Arl of Amaranthine," she boomed. "If there is anyone more powerful, please point the way."

"Warden-Commander Amell!" the voice rang loud and clear from behind her. Solona's eyes rolled and she opened her mouth a little to make a face.

"Okay, so not counting the First Warden," she said sheepishly and then turned around to face her superior. "Yes, First Warden." 

"Where the hell have you been."

"Now would be a really good time to hide," said the Mouse at their feet.

"Duty is sometimes protecting others by leaving the battle to fight in a later time when odds are at your favor," the Fenris spirit said.

"Where would you like to hide, in the fade," she whispers through clenched teeth. "It's not like there's a hidden hallow somewhere we could stow away in for a while while the giant monster has tea and cake with his little tainted bear minions," she said gesturing to the enormous Bereskarn.

"You must have some idea of something you could do."

"He's the size of my house! And I have a really big house. It's not like I could just pull a rabbit out of a hat for him to chase" She snapped back in a whisper. "Hmm. I wonder."  
"Whatever you wonder, you had better figure out now!" the Mouse squeaked.

It was at that moment that she had pulled the candle out of her bag that she had picked up in the nightmare and lit the wick with a piece of flint. The second the fire caught to the wick, darkness covered the corner they stood in.

"We're lucky it did not see the flame; the Maker and His blessings." she sighed in relief. 

"Sure, but what do we do now!" the Mouse squeaked again.

"If we follow this wall, there may be an exit somewhere around that corner. It occurs to me at this moment that both of you could do that fade disappear thing couldn't you?" 

"We do not disappear," the Mouse said annoyed.

"It is not my duty to abandon you."

"Do you have to like say 'duty' once every time you speak in order to classify your identity? Never mind, how then demon, do you follow my cousin if you can't disappear from one side of the fade to another."

"If the fade were a piece of paper, you could easily fold it to connect to points."

"Says the demon. Let's just shimmy this way...follow the li-dark...I suppose?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next week!


	9. Void Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders once again finds himself staring out of iron bars. Fenris is relegated to the role of a small puppy, and one of my favorite rogues appears on the scene. The First Warden is none too happy with Solona's reappearance and tells her as such, while she plots and schemes to solve everything...Do they have Fiber Fix in Thedas?
> 
> Hawke is lost (still....or rather more...) and losing hope fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I hope you all are having a good week, here in quarantine... You know it's funny, when playing/writing about these characters, I consider myself or my personality to be a big part of Solona, and although I consider Hawke to be MY Hawke, I don't picture her as closely like me as I do with my warden. Maybe it's the lack of voice in the GW that gives me more feeling over her character? Don't get me wrong I love F!Hawke's voice actress. But with quarantine, Hawke resonates with me personally right now. Stuck in quarantine/the fade with nothing to do but write...and talk to her trailing companions...my family...lol I have to say about writing this chapter, I was super cautious to not add gender to the First Warden. Hopefully, I succeeded. There isn't one given in the game or lore, and I didn't want the next game to come out and it be the complete opposite or not at all like I wrote. So hopefully this stays closer to canon.

"'ere, eat this at least." A tall gentleman with grey hair handed Fenris a bowl of stew with a heel of bread sticking out. "They'll be at it for a while yet." He ate more ravenously than he meant to, not having eaten much in the time that he had been chasing down his beloved in a blind fever.

"They've been arguing for hours," a low grumble came out of the broody elf. He was leaning up against the wall of a hallway that presumably leads to the First Warden's office. 

"Yah. It 'appens," the man replied. He had a kind face and a calming demeanor. "Y'see, not a lot of folks took much notice of the Wardens, I mean outside of Anders. [Author note: the place not the person]. But when the last Archdemon fell, your Warden increased in fame and well..."

"She's not _my_ Warden" he said gruffly.

"Right, well. Anyway, the First really doesn't like being overshadowed by Warden of her...age, or well...anybody I suppose."

Before Fenris could reply, the door burst open into the hallway where they stood, knocking the bowl of stew out of Fenris' hand and onto the floor. Out came Warden-Commander Amell, hair flowing behind her in a storm of fury that moved around her. Fenris thought he could have sworn little bolts of lightning or static electricity in her movements. She was silent, which should have shown her deadly aura in itself, but the First still seemed to come after her. 

"Should 'ave expected that. No matter, lad. I'll clean it up. You best follow your Warden."

She stormed down the hall and through a doorway that led to stairs. Wardens wearing the signature blue tunics moved out of her way. One of them turned white almost praying she wouldn't notice him. Another sighed but still moved as quickly as her feet could carry her out of the way. Down they went with the First still yelling at her. Finally, she stopped at a cell with a lone guard standing outside it. The First stopped as well with crossed arms and a condescending expression. 

"Why is he imprisoned?" She asked in anger.

"He blew up a chantry!" The First yelled back.

"Right--" she bit her lip and then squinted one eye and tilted her head. With a loud firm voice and a sly smile, she said "I hereby invoke the right of Conscription--"

The First Warden gave her the most exhausted of looks.

"I'm no expert Sol, but I don't think that's going to work this time," Anders said reluctantly with his head resting on the iron bars. He had been caught, and caged; the thing he feared most and it only burned her hotter. She turned around and stormed back up the stairs. This time the First didn't go after her but Fenris followed after the Hero of Fereldan, seeming less heroic every moment.

"This is why I didn't want to come back!" She yelled to no one in particular. He followed her to a corridor where she went into a room and slammed the door. He stood there for a second, questioning what he would do next when she opened it again with such gusto the wind of it blew back his hair. "You. Come in." And then she slammed the door again.

[in barely legible shaking handwriting]  
Warden Commander Amell, 

I apologize for my ~~impertinence~~ ~~impropriety~~ indecency. ~~I had no right to presume--I did not mean to--What I mean to say is~~ Those letters were not meant to be sent. I have no excuses and I cannot expect or even ask for your forgiveness. You must know I have the deepest regrets of writing, and will not impose on you any longer.

Sincerely,  
Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition

Dragon 9:41 Solana

You know that feeling after a battle when the adrenaline has been used up and all your strength had been poured into your war and then at the end of it all, you sit down and suddenly you realize how exhausted you actually are and have no idea how you kept on your feet because you cannot even imagine moving a single inch ever again? Well this elf does. Fell asleep on my couch the second he sat down. I think the caretaker gave him a bowl of food too. I'm sitting in front of him now while writing this. He's tall for an elf. I think Anders said his name was Fenry or Fredris was there a k? Fendrik? I'll bet it's Fredrick and that's why Anders said he hates the name. Anyway, the Royal Firstiness of Grey Wardenia has rejected all of my research and further investigation. I'm to be sent back to Amaranthine...which obviously won't happen, at least not yet. After pacing for a while, I have plotted my ...adventure... for this evening. Which is why I allowed Fredrick to get some sleep. I have to keep reminding myself I came back for Avernus. If he has died, so too has died the hope for Grey Wardens. I need to make sure he did not die in vain. 

"Oh for all the--Andraste's blood knee. A dead-end? Really?" She was slack-jawed and her head fell to the side of her slumping body. They were on a stone tiled floor no larger than her bedroom at home. A single veilfire torch was hanging on a wood support in the middle of the floor. It was the only light in the wall-less room seemingly surrounded by darkness. The only exit was the door they came through. 

"This is more like it!" Mouse cried. He formed himself back into a human and stood among them. "Void place!"

"What." She replied in a dull annoyance.

"This is a void place! It's a gap in between dreams. We can hide here." 

"Hide. Yes. Duty over here will love that," she said dripping with sarcasm.

"I do not love this," Duty responded.

"Yes. I figured." She sighed. Picked a tile on the floor, sat down, and crossed her legs. "We can at least rest a bit anyway. I haven't stopped fighting since I got in here." 

Dead End: Dragon Hawke

Look on the bright side Hawke! At least you're not neck-deep in darkspawn. Sure, you're barely hanging onto your sanity, talking to yourself in third-person and your current friends are a literal demon and an actual spirit, but hey, no darkspawn. Maker, I'm exhausted. I could use a vacation, a nice warm beach somewhere on the coast, sand between my feet, sun on my face. Maker, I'd love to see the beach. I suppose the room to nowhere can be my vacation for now. I'm running low on supplies, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out on my own. I don't know if my darling cousin will be pulled to me again or if she can even do anything about getting me out of here. The mass of power she wields, she must be able to do something. There are things about the fade here that I don't understand. How is it I am able to attack a spirit without my spells going right through? Why am I able to pick up objects? If this is the dream realm as we have been told all along, and find our dreams here, why is everything so tangible? Duty allowed me to rest my head on Fenris' shoulder a few days ago. It felt real. Is there more to the fade than we have been told? I suddenly realize I am the first person with the ability to study what is here. The demon has said that we are in a "void place." I did not know such places existed. A gap between the dreams. How many gaps are there and what else can exist in such a gap? Questions, Questions. I find myself asking a lot of questions without the means or ability in finding any answers. Right now I exist in an in-between place and with nothing but myself, I don't have any way of finding out truths I am curious about. I am reminded of Feynriel with his ability to manipulate the fade. That would be super handy right now. The first thing I would do is spontaneously create a cake. There is no cake here. I want cake.

"There's no escaping you it seems," the gruff voice said in the darkness. 

"One of us is always seemingly trapped somewhere too," Anders replied.

"I can't say I blame them this time. Still, what they're saying about you; it doesn't seem like you."

"It's Justice. Do you remember when we argued about whether or not to take a stand? Apparently he won because I don't know my own thoughts anymore. Have you seen her yet?"

"Not yet, though enough Wardens are seemingly absent from the halls, I take it her conversation with the First didn't go over so well."  
"Has it ever?"

The cells lined the hallway of the basement where they were. Anders had been sitting in the corner between the stone wall and the iron bars leaning his head against the coolness of the iron. 

"Nathaniel?" Anders' asked.

"Hmm?"  
"I expect she'll try to involve you in some scheme of hers... What I mean is, don't try to help me." And then he sadly added, "this is where I should be. At least there is justice in this."

"If you're asking that, you have forgotten her character. When has she ever left anyone in a prison cell?"

"I know, I mean it though. I hear the screams every night in my dreams. Being imprisoned just for being a mage, or for sneaking around your actual house, those aren't crimes. She let us out because of that. She shouldn't let me out. I deserve this."

~~Cullen Rutherford, Commander to the Inquisition,~~  
Leliana, 

Apologize. Before he dies by his own sword. 

\--Sol.

Morrigan, 

My dear friend, I am well, as always. The book you suggested in our last meeting has been very enjoyable. I am in the middle of it now and I am finding the characters delightful. What path will the main character choose I keep asking myself. But then I know exactly where she will be. I feel like I have read this before. I keep wondering what you feel about the main theme. I expect you will have much to say about it.

Thank you for the recommendation!  
Your Friend, 

Solana

"What does she mean by this?" the Orleasian accent gave her away before her feet did. Leliana handed the letter to Morrigan. "Is this coded? She's so chaotic I cannot tell if this is like her or a hidden message."

Sitting on a bench in Skyhold's garden Morrigan's black eyelashes slowly rose to read the letter. "I gave her a book to read. Does the Inquisition read even _my_ letters? I expected as much."

"And you just have your own book club now?"

"She apparently enjoyed it," Morrigan said innocently.

"Apparently." Her hand was on her hip and she held her mistrust in her face. "You get a lovely letter, all love, and good wishes, and I'm scolded."

"What?"

"Nothing, I make my apologies, and not the last for the day." She trailed off the last part of her sentence leaving Morrigan in such a curious manner that the dark-haired woman watched her as she walked away, before standing and casually walking to a door in the stone wall on the edge of the garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone curious about why Nathaniel says that it doesn't sound like Anders to blow up the chantry, and you haven't played or don't remember this in Awakening, (I didn't remember until I played it again recently), this link is to a video of Justice talking about mage rights with Anders: https://www.youtube.com/embed/8sARl6gzHsk   
> 
> 
> I expected to write more than this, this week. This bit came out to be a bit longer than I expected and decided I should save the rest of these scenes for next week. A whole lot is going to happen next week though, all seemingly at once, so stay tuned for that. And hey return of another character I didn't know was coming! I loved Nathaniel to pieces in Awakening. I actually was so shocked they didn't use him instead of Stroud in Inquisition. That just seems like a story plotline you'd expect but they missed that story. I am a glut for reading Nathaniel/Cousland fanfics too. Anyway, look forward to next week! I'll give you a hint: Escape from Weisshaupt.


	10. Escape from Weisshaupt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solona, Nathaniel, and Fenris free Anders from the cells in Weisshaupt and race to stay ahead of the oncoming First Warden while Hawke's fatigue grows and her stability wanes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a little late this evening...morning...whatever... :D I was so excited to write this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!

She was growing weaker and she started to recognize it. Wondering if it was the demon sapping her energy or the hunger. She made the mouse sit on the opposite side of the void place from her, just in case. Not that it would do any good. Her Fenris spirit stayed by her side and gave her a shoulder to lean on while she tried to sort out what she knew in her mind and what she could do with that information. A soft wind sound came from the doorway nearby and she was instantly up holding her staff high and ready to cast when Solona's soft steps came through on the stone floor. 

"What a surprise," Hawke said pleasantly. "You really are drawn to me."

She shrugged, "A girl's gotta sleep." She looked over the room and then added, "Ah Mouse, keeping them company?"

"I wasn't trying to.." He looked apologetically toward her.

"Save it," she said cutting him off. He looked downtrodden and dejected and Solona wasn't the only human in the room that was strangely curious about this array of emotion displayed through a demon. Then walking toward Hawke she almost demanded, "Why aren't you faded?" 

"As it turns out, you can actually enter the fade as a real live human."

"Hmm," She held her hand to her chin and tucked her other arm around her chest. "I suppose that is how the story goes with the magisters. You sound Fereldan though. So you can't be a magister, and how would you go about doing that, you'd need an intense amount of power...blood magic maybe? but it would need still more power than one could provide. You don't seem psychotic so I can't imagine you killing a crowd of people to further your demonic plan, and you have a spirit of Duty at your side that wouldn't tolerate such morbid---"

"Um...Could you...maybe ask that in the form of a question? Or better yet, perhaps I should introduce myself. Marian Hawke, at your service." She leaned in on her staff and held out her hand.

"Oh," she said and then made a 'hmpf' sound. Taking the hand and shaking it slightly with an inquisitive look on her face.

"I believe I am your cousin, and you are mine," Hawke said. A heavy pressure rested on her shoulders. It was the first time she stood up since they had entered the void place and all the blood rushed to her head when she reacted to Solona's entrance.

"But...are you alive?"

"At the present. Why? I did sort of assume they'd think I was dead. I might as well be, stuck here as I am."

"I have recently become acquainted with your beloved." 

"Fenris?!" Hawke paused for a moment and then asked, "wait...are you alive?"

"Sleeping. But yes, the gentleman that looks like your spirit there."

"Hmm yes, I can imagine that went over really well. I'd like to get out of here please," she yawned.

"You are stuck then," Solona sighed.

"So the Inquisitor has a ...thing...on her hand that allows her to open or close a fade rift."

"Maker's breath. I've been out of this for too long. Who is the Inquisitor? And what is a fade rift?"

Mouse spoke up then offering the information he had, "The holes in the fade I told you about."

"Right. Okay, I get it now." 

"Look, I know that you probably can't do much for me right now, but I'd be willing to beg for a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine."

"I wish I had something to give you, I entered the fade just as I am. I may have something to offer, however." She closed her eyes and pulled the coolness of the combat magic to come over her. Opening her eyes she snapped her Fade Shroud and her glow brightened the room. "What do you know about the Arcane Warrior?"

"Okay, I'll bite, what's an Arcane Warrior?" 

"This is only a theory, and may not help much, but an Arcane Warrior uses a Fade Shroud to span the gap between the real world and the Fade. Only partial existing in either realm."

"What do you expect it will do?"

"It's possible by using this technique you could at best, exist in the real world partially, and at the very least, draw in power from the real world reducing the amount of mana fatigue that you are likely experiencing. It's not a solution, not even a half solution really."

Marian took a breath and held it for a moment before exhaling. The amount of strain she had been holding had been growing worse. What did she call it? Mana fatigue. That was highly likely. "First, before we run out of it, I have had nothing _but_ time to think and I need you to know about a boy in Tevinter named Feynriel. He has the ability to manipulate the fade. I helped him a few times, he would be willing to help. Fenris should be able to find him. Also the Inquisitor's ...fade opener... is the reason why I'm here. She may be able to figure out how to open it a second time. There now teach me your ways oh Wise One," she teased.

"Commander I apologize for absconding your private letters." Her eyes were anywhere but on him, as she wished she was anywhere but there.

"I appreciate the apology Leliana, I am trying to learn how to let go." He was seated at his desk and his head was down, facing the pile of papers he was looking at but not quite focused on.

"She was-- _is_ the closest thing I have to a best friend. I do not keep secrets from her."

"You don't have to explain, I knew you were close. I remember you being there when the Circle..."

"Yes," She interrupted so he wouldn't have to finish. "She isn't with anyone right now you know. She left the king a long time ago."

"It's too much to hope. One impossibility at a time, please. My schedule is quite full."

"Yes. I'll leave you to it then."

"Leliana?"

"Yes?"  
"Thank you. Sometimes in order to learn how to swim, you have to be thrown in."

"Indeed."

Nathaniel stood in front of the Warden Commander's couch, turning his head from side to side. On his left, a tiny human mage with soft hair, and a cloth robe; curled up with her head resting on her knees and a journal that had fallen from her hands lay half-open on her feet. On his right was the hard, sharp angles of a taut elvhen soldier, all muscle, and except for the closed eyes one would expect him to be awake in an upright seated position and a grim expression. The Rogue lifted one side of his lips in an almost smile to the usual serious expression. He needed only to clear his throat to bring them both to attention as he then did. His commander then immediately stood bleary-eyed and tense and her companion had retrieved a sword from thin air to point at his neck. 

"Nathaniel!" She cried and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so happy you're here!" she said more enthusiastically than was warranted. The elf started to sheath his sword watching the situation unfold.

"I ...heard... you were here, I thought we could catch up, like old times."

"Yes! Hey, speaking of old times."

"It did seem like you were uncharacteristically excited to see me."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What is it you need Sol?"

She laughed at him and then started to nod "How do you feel about sneaking around the keep? Maybe this time though, don't get caught..."

He wasn't laughing. He was giving her such a blank stare that she knew he'd cave the second he blinked. "When I had nowhere to go, you took me in. You gave me a home, and family when mine was disgraced. I will always do as you ask."

And then her face brightened into the most mischievous smile as she relayed her plan. 

The incandescent glow made her look more spirit than human, but her dear sweet cousin was right. She could feel the real world even if she couldn't get there. The coolness soothed her fatigue and strengthened her resolve. She felt stronger in general too, like she could have strength that rivaled her warrior companions. She started to head toward the portal out of the void place, with Duty trailing behind her.

"Where are you going?" the mouse demon asked.

"Out." She replied and then looking back, "Are you coming?" 

"Do you want me to?"

"Why not. Some of my best friends are demons." 

"Warden-Commander Amell." The guard snapped to attention. "The First already left us specific instructions not to let you anywhere near the prisoner. 

"What were those specific instructions exactly?" She made him nervous and she intended to keep it that way.

"That um, to not let you anywhere near the uh prisoner."

"Oh so if I stand far away it's okay?" 

"I guess you could see it that way." He looked confused.

"I do actually, and beyond that, I am curious if the First Warden is able to command you, am I not able to?"

"Well I mean I'm not--"

"Does that mean I am subordinate to you?"

He stuttered something unintelligible. 

"Does that mean that I ruthlessly raised up 5 separate armies for the battle of the Archdemon, Killed him, slaughtered my way through 6 Mother darkspawn, took out the Architect that even my predecessor was unable to do, and I am still subordinate to a lowly guard such as yourself? I mean no offense of course, but still...what more do I have to do?"

"I didn't mean...I mean... just..." He took a second to swallow and then lifted his hand to her, "here are the keys. I think my shift is over." He put his hands in his pockets and casually walked up the stairs humming a tune quietly to himself.

"Anders, I never got to witness your cell-escaping-prowess. I am surprised you're still here."

"A few more minutes and I'd have been swimming across the sea of sand."

"Shame I'm gonna miss it." She said unlocking his cell.

"I can't go with you Sol, not this time."

"Mmmhmm I know, Nathaniel told me all about your martyrdom."

"I'm serious Solona, I need to stay."

"Yep, I hear you. Loud and clear, now let's go."

"Sol--"

"Listen, if you want to rot in a cell fine, I've never given you an order in my career as a Warden. You can do what you'd like. But not this one. This one, is _my_ fault and so long as _I_ am the one screwing up and making mistakes _I_ am going to be the one that fixes them. If you want to turn around and give yourself up to the nearest guard, whatever so be it. But not this cell. Not this time." She had crouched down in front of him, Her face so close to his he could see every line on her forehead, every worry embedded deep into her skin and he realized she would always get the better of him. Even if it was to her own detriment.

She stood up and held out her hand. Taking it, she pulled him up. Just before she released his hand he noticed that it had been trembling and he watched her hands ball into fists as they all climbed the stairs upward. When she reached about halfway she could hear voices above them. She motioned for Nathaniel to stealth up the stairs which he did. The First Warden was there talking in hushed tones to the guard that Solona recently relieved of duty and a small squad of guards standing behind the First. He relayed this information using the hand signals showing the number of guards and she inaudibly sighed. He pointed back down the stairs and she nodded and they all descended.

"I could take that many," Fenris said.

"I am sure you could, but most of them are my friends, so I'd rather you didn't." Then she shrugged, "just because the front door is locked, doesn't mean you can't go in the back door."

She walked down the hall a bit counting cells until she got to the seventeenth cell and unlocked it. It being empty, she moved some debris aside and gave a great push to the back wall. Her companions exchanged looks when she sighed for the nothing that happened. She pulled the combat magic to her through the fade and strengthening her body. She shoved again and the bricks parted and moved to the side leaving a gap in the shape of a doorway. "Always look for secret entrances. The First kept me in her for a week one time when I kept calling him Harold." She snorted a laugh. Nathaniel shook his head slowly. Anders seemed unsurprised. 

"I was under the impression you were someone of rank," Fenris said.

"Sure, she has the titles, but they pale in comparison to her sass" Anders replied.

"You did ask for a beach," Duty's cool Fenris tone of voice reminded her.

"This is entirely not what I meant. This is not what I meant Maker." It was a beach, and at the center was a bright green beautiful glowing fade rift, but it was surrounded by a sea of demons all fighting over each other to try to get in through the doorway of the real world beyond. They were climbing over each other like ants trying to be the one that got through. 

She was sitting behind a large boulder happy to not be the center of their attention debating on her next action. "Even if I thought I could get through the rift, I'd have to fight through all of them. There's too many and I don't even know if it would work. We could go back to the void place, but I'm not even sure if the portal we went through would send us back there seeing as it sent us here instead of the place we visited before we went to the void place. I guess it is our only option. Tally ho...I suppose."

With that, she made a break for it and ran through the portal.

Sitting cross-legged with between five and seven books open in front of her she sat flipping pages and cross-checking between other books. She was arrayed in front of a large mirror black and dormant. Nathaniel was standing at the door of this backroom in the library watching for anyone coming. Fenris was leaning on a wall ever watchful. And Anders, Anders was pacing. "I can't believe your great plan is going through that demonstrative mirror. The last time I dealt with one of these mirrors an entire Dalish clan died, their First being possessed. This is not right." He was breathing heavily and sweating walking back and forth.

"mmhmm," she said not really listening. She was thumbing through pages of books she had read over and over again looking for the right key. 

He was starting to lose control the blue cracks started to breakthrough. 

"You should leash your pet," Fenris spat at Anders speaking to Solona.

"Hmm?" She turned around to see Anders entire lose himself the blinding light. 

The harsh voice of Justice boomed in the room, "You play with magic you do not know!" 

"Justice. I do not have time for this right now, do you think you could just lower your voice a little bit so I can finish reading this and we aren't surrounded by a dozen guards currently searching the keep top to bottom to find us, well you specifically, please?"

"Warden-Commander. I cannot obey your command. Justice answers to nobody! Not even this body can escape its wrath."

"Wrath?" She stood and walked over to him. She stared deeply into his void eyes bright in their blue flame. She stared unblinking until her eyes welled up and a single tear slid down her cheek. She swallowed and tenderly tilted her head. "Justice, I am so sorry," she barely whispered, and then she cast paralyze on him and froze him in place.

"I don't mean to rush you," Nathaniel said urgently, "But the Wardens are coming down the hall toward the library."

She turned around and started to pick up her books. "Well, nothing will happen if I don't try." She stacked them neatly next to her and then started speaking in an archaic tongue. Her hair flew up behind her as though a gust of wind affected only her inside the small cramped room. Her words came to a harsh end and the mirror snapped to a reflective liquid that she motioned everyone to. She picked up her books and handed them to Fenris and sending him through the mirror. She used a pull spell to wrench Anders through the mirror as well, and then called out for Nathaniel just as the Wardens entered the library. He ran toward the mirror and jumped through leaving only her behind. She stood next to the mirror for a half of a second longer than she needed to just to give a wry grin to the First Warden before she stepped through. 

She immediately closed the way and the mirror snapped back into a solid glass on the other side. They were in a garden of mirrors in a place being barely held together through magical energies that were loosening every moment. "Good. There. Escaped. I've still got it." She smiled and laughed at herself a little bit until she looked at her companions and noticed they were pale and silently pleading that she would 'shut up.' In the center of the garden was a circular stone path, just large enough for the sleeping dragon that lay upon it. "To be fair this is my first time here," she whispered and then spoke aloud, "wait..." a warm smile rising up on her face.

"Maker's breath Morrigan you look just like your mother." The giant dragon woke suddenly and swept up its large head and breathed a smoldering smoke out from its nostrils right onto Solona. "Alright, I'm sorry...but seriously when I killed Flemeth she looked exactly like this, you scared the shit out of me."

The huge beast slowly decreased in size until there stood before them the raven witch that was Morrigan. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid your task was much in vain as the creature Flemeth is still very much alive. But then so are we, so I suppose we live another day to continue to fight."

Solona threw her arms around her friend so tight the dark-haired beauty even smiled though held out her arms as though she did not know what to do with such a hug. 

"I have looked for you everywhere, where have you been my friend? You could not have possibly been hiding from that incompetent king you were attached to were you?"

"Morrigan I have so much, I need help. These are friends of mine and ...well all of them have a different reason for being here. But I have to get back to Avernus! It may already be too late!"


	11. How have things gotten this far?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justice explodes into Venagence and Solona has to find a way to help her friend. Fenris gets to see Hawke alive.

9: Dragon. Hawke.

Cousin Solona was only able to show me the basics of combat magic before she was pulled back. Still I feel as though I have more physical strength than before. I'm trying to teach Duty Wicked Grace. I think it's lost on him. It would probably help if we had a deck of cards. Which we don't. This feeling of listlessness is so much worse than being on the ship to Kirkwall. I've been trying to pass the time by killing demons. I think even they have gotten bored with it though because I haven't seen any in a while. We're camped out right now in a library filled with books so at least I have been able to read. I have been trying to research the fade a bit more, but half of the books are unfinished and the other half are empty. The mouse demon says that they are unfinished because the people that use this library have only read pieces of the books. And only the read pieces are what are part of the dream. Like looking up a specific spell in a tome, the library patrons are only researching specific topics I suppose. There was one book with doodles in the side frame of a golem crushing a pigeon. That was amusing at least. I heard a bartender once say that the pigeon population has significantly decreased to which now I have to wonder if all stone golems detest pigeons. How often do pigeons enter the deep roads? We'll probably stay here for a while at least, hopefully, Solona will come back soon with some help.

"I'm so glad my letter reached you in time," Solona said.

"T'was written so very much like you, I almost barely dared to believe it was you."

"You missed me Morrigan," She was in a full grin, and her female companion seemed content though guarded. 

"Would you care to explain that?" She pointed to the circle rune streaked with white light surrounding Anders/Justice.

"Makers breath, I forgot about that," she said after turning around to face him. "A friend of mine once allowed a Spirit of Justice to use his body after the spirit was trapped outside the fade. Well first there was a bit with a dead guy...but eventually Anders offered him the option to intertwine. Unfortunately, it looks like the spirit we used to call our friend has twisted into a darker version of itself."

"It's a demon."

"Yes," she confirmed. Nathaniel's head snapped back at them with concern. "I know Nathaniel, I'm sorry. I have been trying to do some research on the side, but other things have taken precedence and I only know of one way to rid a person of a demon."

"You mean we have to kill him. We have to kill our friends? Both of them? I never would have thought that you, Commander would have fallen so far."

"Finally something I agree with," Fenris said in his deep voice.

"Kill both of them? Maker's breath, of course not!" Solona protested.

"But the demon must be killed in the fade in order for the possessed person to stay alive," Morrigan explained. "You have to go into the fade together, and that takes a lot of lyrium or a lot of blood. What do you plan to do Sol?"

"That still means we have to kill Justice?" Nathaniel interjected.

"That is no longer the Justice that was your friend," Sol said sadly. "And as a demon, he won't actually die. His essence becomes part of the fade energies and eventually those energies will come back together again. That doesn't make it any easier."

"So what are you planning to do," Fenris asked.

"I actually know a guy." She winked at him and then pulled her pack off her back and started pulling stuff out. "Do you remember Rojek and Godwin, Morrigan?"

"The dwarf that you haggled lyrium from? and his Mage...who you also manipulated."

"The very same!" She pulled a large velvet bag with string pull cords out of her pack and opened it up. The cool blue light spilled out of the bag and she put it on the ground in front of them picking everything else back up. "Back up a bit," she asked.

She used her staff to draw a casting circle around the lyrium. "Do you remember this spell?"

"Of course," Morrigan said sounding slightly offended. 

"The fade is no playground to visit at your leisure," Fenris protested.

"I should mention," she turned to Fenris. "We will likely be pulled into a specific area of the fade because of a blood tie I can't explain right now. It will bring us right to your Hawke."

Panic rose up in him and his blue lyrium veins lit up. He stomped toward her. "How do you know it's her," he demanded. 

"Well she doesn't exactly have her name over her head, but when she told me her name, I believed her. Also, there is this cute little spirit of Duty that is following her around like a puppy dog that has taken on--well you'll see. Ready?" She clapped her hands together and started speaking in archaic until the blue light brightened from the lyrium and they had to close their eyes against the light. When the opened them again, they were in the fade.

The First Warden was cackling he was laughing so hard. 

"Sir?"

He tried to slow the laughing, holding himself upon his knees and wiping a tear out of his eye. "Had I known she would be gone so soon, I would have delivered the mirror to her bedroom."

Names were being shouted between them in such confusion as the entity of Justice started to convulse and his bright blue color flickered red. When his voice grew loud and the knight grew in size, their salutations died on their lips. He was no longer under paralyze in the fade. They were all moving toward him except for Solona, who was slowly taking steps back. She held the vial in her hand from Avernus that she quickly uncorked and tossed it back into her throat letting it burn her throat on the way down. The pain was immediate and the effect just as so, as she could feel the power of the concoction through her veins. She rolled her neck and focused her eyes. She pulled up her sleeve and let her knife bite into her left forearm releasing the black taint in her blood and she let her right arm fall to her side. She jumped just a little bit when she realized that fingers interwove between her own. Morrigan's fingers. She stared at them holding her hand until she looked up into Morrigan's eyes and the woman held her gaze with confidence and comfort. Her eyes said 'I am with you' and she squeezed Solona's hand just before letting go and running forward, changing into a spider just before charging.

"I will not be suppressed. You will all die. Anyone that stands in the way of freedom will die in agony and their deaths will be our fuel. We will have Justice. We will have Vengence!"

There was chaos. The library they were in was large enough, but there was so much going on in a discombobulated way. With Nathaniel blinking in and out of stealth to strike, Mouse in bear form using his massive paws to attack Vengence, and Fenris in rage, they fought back the demon. Hawke was half-assing her shots obviously confused as to what was going on. Vengeance was a red fury in knight form, swinging a large spirit sword to attack those that would get in his way. 

Solona cast Bloody Grasp and watched the taint of her blood blow forward and knocked down Vengence causing him to weaken and slow. She brought up her combat magic and unsheathed her sword running forward and launching herself at her friend striking in quick succession, pushing so far back that she left her friends behind her in lightning force until her sword struck the solid stone beneath her and the demon faded from them.

They all stood back watching her. All of them except for Nathaniel who was staring at the Black City. "Nathaniel!" She cried. She ran toward him and grabbed his face, trying to get him to look at her. 

"The song, it's so beautiful," he spoke each word with pauses in-between.

"Don't listen to it, Nathaniel." She turned to her other companions, "I have to get him out of the fade." She was panicking. 

"I just found her!" Fenris was yelling. He was holding her hand and he wasn't ready to let go.

"You can find her again. I'm so sorry Hawke, He will lose his mind." She tossed her a satchel from her pack to Hawke and while still trying to hold Nathaniel's face to hers.

"It's calling me," Nathaniel spoke again slowly as before.

"It's okay Fenris, my love. It will be okay. I am not dead and Solona has a plan, she's helping. It's okay to help her. Find Feynriel." Hawke pulled away from him.

"No, Hawke, Marian, I.." He pleaded with his eyes, such sadness filled him and welled in his soul.

"It's okay," she said to him has her face faded from his view.

The Fade seemed emptier than it was before. She had fallen to her knees at some point but didn't remember when. Duty was beside her on the ground and the bear demon was curled up around her supporting her body. She still held the satchel in her lap unable to open it, she sat there for a long time before moving on. Because that is what she does. That is what Marian Hawke does. She moves on. Even when the world is crumbling, and her heart is aching, she moves on.


	12. Depth of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't have 4 to a party. So the Solona and her companions have to split up to accomplish different goals. She still needs to reach Avernus and Fenris needs to seek out Feynriel. Anders has finds out how to live again.

The lyrium in the center of the circle grew dark and to stone. The second their consciousness was regained Fenris was all fury coming toward Solona. "You knew she was there. You dangled her from a string in front of me and then took her away." She didn't dodge, shield, or use her fade shroud when he connected his fist to her face. Nathaniel pulled him back immediately and got in front of him.  
"She saved my life, again. She will save your lover's too," Nathaniel argued. They were facing off when the groaning behind them reminded them once again of their place. An unstable Anders was holding his head and tears were streaming down his face.

"Anders," she spoke the word on a breath and left the two arguing in her wake. She lowered herself in front of him on the ground and held his shaking body as he sobbed. 

"I must get back Solona. Should you need me, this one will lead you to me; to the Inquisition."

"Thank you, Morrigan." And the raven-haired witch disappeared through a liquid metallic portal just a few yards away.

Nathanael stood a few paces away from the pair on the stones. Fenris behind him looking at them with disgust. "Where are we," his dark deep voice cut through the silence.

Solona raised herself from the ground and picked up one of the books she had carelessly tossed through the mirror just a short time ago. Turning to the page, she held it out to him and he furrowed his brow.

"I don't know this written language," he said annoyed handing the book back. 

She chuckled taking the book. "Neither do they flat ear," using the Dalish insult as a tease. "It's Elvhen," she came around to him to show him the portal mirror picture on the pages. "We are in a forest of Eluvian. Probably the only one. I've heard of it being called "The Crossroads."" They both looked around at their surroundings. "Somewhere between Thedas and the Fade," and then looking him right in the eye, "closer to your beloved than you have been in weeks."

"And still too far away," he said dejectedly.

"Hmm," she said as she stared off into the distance. "You could be standing right next to her and still feel too far away. You could be on the other side of the world and be too close." 

She shook her head as though as she was clearing her thoughts and looked back up at him. "Where is this dreamer you're sent to find?"

"Feynriel? Vyrantium."

"And you can find him?"

"Yes."  
"You have two days." She said and she started walking.

"I must have missed the part where you explained."

"I should know already you lack in patience." She found the particular mirror she was looking for and turned around to face him. "In two days I will open the way again. If you are not there, then you might try walking into the fade on your own."

He growled his lyrium veins glowing. "Where are you going? You told your cousin you would help! She's your blood!"

In the time that it took for him to say the last word she blasted her combat magic and took two strides up to the tall elf and held his neck with her hand pulling his face to hers. With a deadly voice, she said low, "You know nothing of my blood." Then she let go of him and dropped her aura turning back to the mirror. Then she let out a sad chuckle and used a small knife to cut a small line on her forearm. She pocketed the knife and rubbed the line with her hand until her hand was covered in blood. She slammed her hand on the Eluvian leaving a bloody red handprint that melted into the liquid reflection of the perfect mirror.

His irritation turned back to disgust as he watched her, blood dripping from her arm. "Blood magic, from a mage."

"You can thank me later. Nathaniel, go with him. The Eluvian will take you to Tevinter, you can be back at Weisshaupt in a week. You have no reason to follow me here, the First doesn't even know you were involved."

Nathaniel's face dropped, "Yes, Warden-Commander." He crossed his arms over his chest to salute her and drew his sword before going through. 

"Every mirror has a key, this is a Tevinter mirror. When in Tevinter, do as the Tevinters do. I don't expect you to understand," She said to Fenris. "I have a responsibility to more than just to myself, more than just one woman. But I said I'd help and I will. Just not this step. I'll be back in 2 days. Two days." He stood in front of the mirror and she said. "And just in case you're thinking this is because you punched me, well, it definitely helped my decision." And then she pushed him through with a wry smile.

9 Dragon Hawked.

Is it a Tuesday or a Thursday? I feel like there are an awful lot of Thursdays going around. I'll bet its contagious in the Fade. Every day is a Thursday. At the end of the week sure, but then Friday never comes, just tantalizingly hangs in the air of expectation. I didn't realize how badly I needed something to eat. Things seemed so desperate before this honey cake. But now they don't seem so bad. I mean my inkwell is a little sticky, but it's fine, it's fine. This area of the fade is like an elaborate tree system that doesn't seem all that safe if it were a real thing. If they had honey cakes though, I'd live in a tree too. It's weird being in a forest in the fade. Especially one where you can't actually see the forest floor it just kind of keeps going down and ..fades.. Duty said there are usually more demons in the fade and that it seems like there are less and less. I don't want to say it's me...but...It's probably me. I mean it could be the fade rifts that are like giant exits for stage left, but it's probably me. I have no complaints. Oh blast, the page is sticky. Well, that's Why the maker gave us tongues...

*the last couple of words are smeared 

"Sol?" a raspy voice cried.

"I'm here Anders," she responded gently.

"I can't hear anything. I think, I think I've gone deaf. I can't... I can't." He panicked.

"I'm so sorry Anders. Justice has returned to the fade."

"The song is gone Sol," he wept.

"a raven dropped a note on my desk about the location of a certain Grey Warden." Her Orlesian accent said curiously. 

"That does not seem all too peculiar," the sultry voice said back.

"It was _not_ one of my ravens."

"Surely you do not think it; me?"

"I would never. But I would be grateful to whomever the note came from."

"I'm sure the raven would want you to think nothing of it."

"I will have to petition the Inquisitor in order to send out spies to search for her."

"Look for the trail of corpses."

"If it were that easy, I suspect I would have found her much sooner."

Morrigan turned then to look Leliana in the eye and then said sadly, "so would have I."

9:41 Dragon Solona

Anders is a Grey Warden now in name only. I did have a theory that the Spirit of Justice could have canceled out the taint in his blood, or the taint could have also corrupted Justice. It hurts my heart to know this second theory is much more likely. Now that Justice is gone, Anders has no connection to the taint anymore. I read reports of a Grey Warden named Fiona that had a similar connection cut off from the taint. I believe she is now the First Enchanter somewhere in Fereldan. He is despondent sometimes, especially when I'm not looking. I feel like I made him tranquil. How long had he been broken until Solona comes to 'fix' him which ultimately shattered him further. At least this is a wound that may heal. Without intervention, I fear what could have happened further. How many people had Vengeance already killed? Does Anders re-live all the deaths that Vengeance caused? He used to be happy enough just to be free. Will he ever be free again?

"I never thought I'd be back in the Dragonbone Wastes."

"Oh the places you'll go with your friendly neighborhood Warden," She smiled back at him. He didn't return it. "At least this time there is no darkspawn. No children. No creepy breasty mother."

"That's an image I've been trying so hard to get out of my mind, thank you for bringing it back."

"Well, gets your mind off of other things I suppose."

"Hmm," he said absently.

"I don't know what kind of strength you still have in you, but I may need you to hold your own a bit. Can you handle it?"

"Yes, Commander," he said.

She pulled the black blade of Asturian's might from the sheath at her side and held it the pommel side up in her left hand. Then she pulled Starfang off her back and held it point up in her right. And then broke into a run.

"Oh, a varterral. Add that to the list of things I was trying to forget," Ander's said cynically.

She lifted her feet off into the air and twisted her body so that Starfang sliced it's flesh and then continued on with the second blade separating the body of the creature from it's torso and head. She landed on her feet breathing as though she went for a simple jog. 

"What varterral?" She said, dropping her combat magic.

He almost smiled. She did. A wide grin, ear to ear. Until his face fell and he grabbed her arm "Sol you're hurt!" but she couldn't pull away before he saw the lines she had cut that she hadn't had time to heal all the way through. "Sol?" he looked up into her eyes with such sadness and hurt.

"I know what it looks like."

"It looks like blood magic." 

"it's not the same thing and anyway when did _you_ become so against blood magic?!"

"When a demon lived in my body Solona!" He said it with such force and finality that though she opened her mouth to respond she couldn't find the words to speak. All around her was silence except for her name echoed in the air.

"It's not blood magic," she said quietly, "well not always." He threw her arm back at her. 

"Why am I here. Why do I follow you?"

"I'm not keeping you. You can go at any time. I'm sorry for upsetting you. It's ridiculous to argue after what you've just been through. Go or stay, but I cannot." She started walking.

Sister Leliana,  
Per the information sent, we are prepared to deliver a message to the Hero of Ferelden. It will not be easy, but we will ensure the message reaches him/her.

Sister Rejeanne

"What do you mean you are writing a letter to the Hero of Fereldan," his voice was low.

"Leliana said she received some information about her whereabouts and she said she could send out some spies to contact her. Why? Do you have a problem with the Warden-Commander?"

"Will she be coming here?!" His voice cracked and he seemed more panicked than he intended.

"Maker I hope so. It would make my job a whole lot easier if she could just blast a few demons for me," she replied absently. Her eyes trained to the paper reading over the words she wrote.

"Did you need something?" She said looking up and he was gone, stalking off in another direction.

"You decided to come anyway?" She asked.

"I'm a wanted criminal and I have serious doubts they'd believe "a demon made me do it.""

"Valid point."

"Besides, you're right. You have never forced me to stay and I think that's why I have never wanted to go. When everyone else tried to cage me, you unlocked the doors and put my freedom in my hands. The only time I've ever felt free has been by your side Solona."

"I'm not quite sure dragging you through Blackmarsh...again...is freedom."

"We hardly walked the edge of the marsh. Are you going to stop at Vigil's keep?"

"I have to, I have letters to send. I'm going to need more lyrium from Godwin and Rogek. I'm tossing around calling in a favor to Finn as well."

"He probably never left the Circle. Too dirty."

"Right, well his knowledge on the Eluvians has been helpful in the past."

"I can't go with you Sol, to the Vigil." She looked at him curious and sad. "Justice. Vengeance. I think I killed... Grey Wardens when we joined. I can't face them, Sol." He was sweating. 

She lifted his chin up to look at her. "I will never make you stay or go. I will never ask you to do anything beyond yourself. You have no fear from me." He nodded and resumed his downward vision. "I can see the keep ahead, I will come back to this spot. If you're not here, I will continue without you and if that is the case, I pray you will go in peace and have a quiet rest of your life in freedom."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a whirlwind huh? Things are picking up speed. I started to get anxious to get the story down. I hope nothing is confusing or lost, but if it is, let me know in the comments and I'll try to clear it up. How do you think the story is going? I never actually expected this to be an Anders fanfic. Honestly, I didn't even know I was going to write him at all. But I am so emotionally attached as to where his story line is going. My heart feels for him. I read his story the other day (that I never knew existed!). You can find it here: https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Anders_(short_story) and it has that raw emotion that really brings out his character. I feel like I didn't give him enough credit in DA2.


	13. Burning mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solona and Anders make their way Soldier's Peak stopping briefly at Vigil's Keep. On their way back, however, they run into King Alistair and Agent Charter. Let pent up anger fly.

Seneschal Garevel was speaking to Mistress Woolsey in the throne room. The renovated room was much like it used to be excepting that a large table in the center was frequently covered now more in papers than with dishes. It was where they often held their meetings to discuss how to run the Arling. The presence of the breach left much of the world scrambling and Amaranthine was no different. Without their Arl, they had to make decisions much between them with occasional direction from Denerim as well as Weisshaupt. Trade and defense were now more important than anything and farms were being over-run by demons coming from the rifts. Deployment of soldiers to quell the tide of demons and protect farmers and traders alike seemed to be their only option but they were running low on people, and praying to the Maker that the Inquisition would stop the rifts. They had just finished writing an order to appeal to the crown in Denerim for more soldiers when the door heaved opened and a ghost walked through.

“What did Voldrik put in that door? How does anyone even open it?!” 

“We generally go around Warden-Commander,” Mistress Woolsey didn’t even bat an eye at the chaotic appearances of the Arlessa. “They agreed if no one could open it, darkspawn wouldn’t be able to either.”

“Dwarven engineering” Solona snorted and dropped her incorporeal form. 

“It’s been 3 years since you came last Warden-Commander,” the Seneschal said. “And 2 years before that, are you here to stay now and run your Arling?”

“I’m sure you’ve been doing fine without me Captain,” she smiled that warm smile that no one could disagree with. She’d have them all in puddles with her coercive talk. “Have any people from Soldier’s Peak come?” She asked and then with her hand on her chin said more to herself, “Though I don’t know that they would come here first.”

“Some of the Dryden’s came last year some time to collect letters for you, I _hope_ you have received them. We haven’t seen any others since then. But you may have more letters..”

“Blast. I was hoping they had escaped and stayed here. I did receive letters thank you.”“That was not _all_ of them, just the ones we deemed the most critical. There is a room we have dedicated to just your letters.” 

“Yes, yes, I’m sure you have stacks that we both know I’ll never read.”

“One particular stack, with a golden seal?” He replied.

“Ah yes, you can probably just drop those in the nearest fireplace.”

“It would take a very large fireplace, Warden-Commander.”

“Ah,” she said, short and to the point.

“I should also mention that I was given an order from my King to send word the moment you arrived. I know you don't need me to mention that I am loyal to the crown my Commander.”

“As you should be. Has it already been sent?” She asked.

He nodded, “sightings had been reported.”

“Well then, I have proudly founded an Arling with people that do their jobs very well. I commend you all. Hmm, that means I have several letters to write and not enough time to write them in. I must leave within the hour.”

“Will, you at least tell us where you will be going?” 

“If the King ordered you to tell him, would you?”

“Ah.” He said.

“Ah.” She replied as they both had an understanding.

“There is one more thing that I should bring to your attention. There is an agent of the Inquisition here, that has a message to place in your hands.” 

“Yes, I already met their Charter, charming young lady. It was actually difficult avoiding her.” She rolled her eyes. “Lots of people doing their jobs lately. Everyone but me it seems.” She said to herself.

“We would never say that Warden-Commander,” Mistress Woolsey interjected.

“I know.” 

“Honey cake, honey cake, oh lalalalalala, Honey cake, honey cake,” She was singing a song and skipping through the fade. “This is where you’re supposed to say something broody and annoyed,” she said to Duty.

“Your current state is less controlled than I had grown accustomed.” 

“What does that even mean?” She said.

“He means you sound intoxicated,” Mouse said.

“Yes, that might be the case. I do believe these are made with fermented honey. Mead. OOOOoooo, when Fenris brings Feynriel here, I’m going to have him make me a room filled with honey cakes. We can just eat and laugh and stay there all day. Really I think this fade thing isn’t so bad. No one has asked me to save their dear aunt’s, sisters, second cousin on his maternal grandmother's side, in ages! I mean its really just a dream, with demons I suppose…perhaps just a dark dream… am I rambling?”

“Yes.” They said in unison.

"Maker, what kind of mage doesn't carry a staff. Of course _I_ don't. 'No no, Sol, swords are cool;' stupid little fairy crystal said so. Who needs a staff to climb a _freaking mountain?!_ How do these blood-red Templars climb up this side of Andraste's ass?" she grumbled through her teeth.

They had left a wake of them behind. But finally, after climbing until their legs ached, Soldier's peak rose in the distance. 

"There are Templars everywhere,” Anders said. 

"Come on," she grumbled and walked right out into the middle of the path up to the gates. She threw a fireball to the side knocking several templars over. "This. IS. MY. HOUSE." She yelled. "YOU ARE NOT INVITED!!" She swept her arms over and reached up to the sky pouring lightning down like rain on the unprepared templars. “I spent the day hiding from a king and an Inquisition spy. I have plenty of energy saved up for you!” Her fury tore through them. "Run while you still can!" she laughed picking them off like prey. 

Just as he said he would, Anders had been holding his own, taking up the rear guard and taking care of the stragglers. "You've gotten more powerful Sol."

"Hmm? oh. Practice." she said absently.

"Somehow I think that's downplaying it considerably," he said but she ignored him walking up the stairs to her keep. She opened the doors letting out silence and whispers of ghosts long past.

"Avernus!" She called and was left with no response. She rushed through every room, every corner. "It's alright," she reassured herself. "He's probably in his tower study. He's probably sealed himself off." She was shaking again as panic welled up in her throat. 

Fingers so cold, light and gentle, snuck through her own without her realizing it until her hand was no longer empty. She looked down at it, curious. Once again no longer empty. He looked at her and she met his eyes. Confused. He swallowed. "The tower?" he asked softly. 

"Oh, this way." She turned but continued to allow her hand to be held if for no reason other then because it was no longer empty.

"I was wrong. The fade is a terrible awful no-good place to be," she whined. She was wrapped around the leg of Duty and he was standing tall content enough to be her anchor. "Dreadful. Why would Corypheus even want to come here?! There's no people, no wine, and no more honey cakes," she cried. 

"Cassandra I have to leave." 

"I do not have to remind you that you have a duty to the Inquisition. You cannot let a woman come between you and your duty. What would she think of you then!?"

“I'll go out to one of our outposts. I can get all of my reports there."

"Commander I have never seen you with such cowardice."

"Which is why you should have me replaced."

"I will not. And you will not go anywhere. You're acting like a child. Show her that you are capable of Commanding an army. This army. You are no longer a templar Cullen. Stand your ground. Be more confident in yourself."

"Be more confident. As if it were that easy.”

They reached the tower and just as she had suspected, a violet glow surrounded it, but it was weak and she easily broke it down. She ran up the stairs and into Avernus's study. She was so panicked she almost tripped over his body in the middle of the floor. He had his head propped up on books and he lay there, barely breathing. "I'm old" he rasped. "But I'm not dead. You're late." 

"Only a year or two," she laughed with tears in her eyes.

"Who?"

"Another Warden, this is Anders."

"No, he's not."

"It's complicated."

"If I had more time, I'd question that further. Where's Alistair? I expected he'd come crawling back to you by now."

"Avernus, he's King now. He doesn't crawl anywhere."

"He would if you asked."

"I won't," she said firmly staring at him.

"Nice uh...decor you have here...Very...Death meets Storm Age,” Anders cut in.

“Avernus, I’ve come to take you to the Vigil.” She sat next to him and taking his left hand into hers she eased his body up into a seated position.

“I am afraid, that I won’t be able to make the journey.”

“What are you talking about, you’re more powerful than that.”

“Power fades when strength does. I’m dying Solona.”

“We’re all dying.”

“Some of us less than others. I cannot combat the taint anymore. I am weary and cold.”

“That’s because there isn’t a fire in here. Let’s get you somewhere warmer.” She was trying to hide the frantic fear in her chest. She put her head under his arm to lift him up when Anders placed a hand on her.

“His life is very thin Sol. You can feel it too, can’t you.” Anders held her hand and the tears that had threatened to fall, found their way down to the floor. 

“The taint is a slow painful death, as they say. They’re not wrong.” He said, and it was at this point that she had finally allowed herself to notice the details. The painful gasps of air, the wheezing, the flinching when she moved him. She laid him back down. “Give me a pyre Solona. This keep…can die with me.” Solona shook her head unable to say the words with her throat tight and her eyes crying. Knowing she’d struggle to make the choice, Avernus reached up into the air, and let go of a small flaming ball, no bigger than his thumb. It was big enough to start a fire and so it did. “Remember the chest in the main hall,” he said to her and she nodded. The fire caught in the rafters and had started to burn in the roof. “In death Warden-Commander.” One of the beams from above creaked.

“Sacrifice.” She whispered.

Anders grabbed her hand and together they went down the tower stairs and through the keep. It almost seemed quiet outside of the tower but mage fire burns quickly and it was traveling fast. She spoke the words of the warden oath and the chest appeared as it had so many ages ago. Nostalgia ached in her chest. She quickly pulled the contents out of the chest and stuffed them in her pack. They hurried through the building and watched as the tower smoked. 

“Give me a pyre Solona, he says.” With tears streaming down her face she lifted up her hand and pulled down molten rocks from the sky. The fire engulfed the tower and the two of them stood outside the gates watching it for a time. Feeling the heat and watching the snow melt around them.

Warden, 

I’m not quite sure where to find you these days, so I will send this to Vigil’s keep hoping it may find it’s way to you. Avernus wrote you a while ago telling you that we left Soldier’s peak. It wasn’t safe for the young ones anymore. He held the mists back so we could walk through. I’m not sure how strong he is anymore. He’s been getting weaker and weaker. He doesn’t complain, it seems like a nuisance to him mostly. I think he’s been using his own blood in whatever it is he puts in those vials. He mutters to himself sometimes too. He’s been very kind to the boys, and us all, so we’ve taken to taking care of him a little bit when he’s not looking. I think he used the last of his will in order to get us off the peak Warden. I hope you are able to make it to him in time.

—Levi Dryden.

“I assume that fireworks show in mountains was your doing?” He sassed.

“Please don’t.”

“Is this the mage you conscripted?”

“What do you need Alistair?” He stood there assessing her with an entourage of soldiers and advisors trailing behind him.

“You’ve been gone for so long Solona, I thought an explanation might be worth a start.”

“Why did you come here, what explanation did you expect me to give?” He shifted his eyes to the people beside him.

“It’s not like this is the first time they’ve heard us arguing, Alistair.”

“Remember when this used to be fun? I’d say a joke about something and you’d say a witty comeback.”

“My King, I am on a mission of the utmost importance to find a cure for the Grey Warden Calling—“ she said with a cutting tone.

“Oh, I’ve heard this one. It’s followed by 10 years of nothing,” he interrupted.

She continued, “I have been seeking out answers around Thedas to complete the current research we have amassed together on this quest. I ask your permission to continue this course as I have barely begun to scratch the surface of the wealth of information—“

“Warden-Commander, King Alistair, I greet you from the Inquisition.”

“Ah Charter, your timing is impeccable, I assume you too followed the smoke,” Solona said resigned.

“My spy-master told me to follow the dead bodies, but yes, the smoke helped and the massive burning mountain.” She said and Alistair snorted. “Your presence is requested at Skyhold,” she held out a letter.

Solona raised an eyebrow and took the letter. “Sol, don’t—“ Alistair started.

“King Alistair Therin, my presence is requested and I must not keep the Inquisition waiting. They do seem to be the only power able to close the rifts. Unless there was something you needed from me, _your Highness_.” His face contorted with her words. 

“I don’t exactly—“

“Good. It was mostly a formality anyway. Off to Skyhold Charter, shall we?” She started walking with her arm linked around Charter, Anders following behind them.

“Isn’t it West Warden-Commander?” She asked.

“I know a shortcut.” Solona winked as she left King Alistair Therin in the snow and without even looking back.

If she listened carefully she could hear him a few moments later tell his guard how much of an "infuriating woman" she was.

"Two days?" the cool broody voice asked.

"Ish." She replied.

"We've been here for five."

"Well do you want to leave or what?" She paused and then said, "Nathaniel, I expected to see you here."

"Technically your exact order was "go with him" which I have followed to the letter Commander."

"I can see this. I figured you speak 'broody' anyway, so you could translate for Feynriel's master." Both Fenris and Nathaniel only groaned at this. "Feynriel, it is nice to meet you. I am told you are a dreamer. I have read about this, but never encountered anyone such as yourself."  
"Yes, I have been working on developing my skill in Tevinter."  
"It will come greatly in handy. This is Charter, she's a recent acquaintance. Apparently my presence is requested in Skyhold."

"But Hawke," Fenris cut in.

"I need more lyrium and I've written to a contact to obtain it. They will deliver it to Skyhold or we can see if we can get some already there."

"Then we better move quickly," he said in his deep voice.

"Indeed." She was shaking again. But this time it was easier to hide as she was shuffling people through one mirror after another. Anders looked at her curiously, but she did whatever she could to avoid his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had Hawke singing honey cakes to the tune of "lollipop" in case you felt the need to sing along.
> 
> Tune in next week as we FINALLY make it to Skyhold. We're getting close to the end now, and it's slowly killing me. Bookmark to be notified when it's posted. See you all next week!


	14. Side Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember that small mirror Hawke found in the Nightmare? In this chapter, she tries to understand who or what is inside. Solona arrives at Skyhold. I'm terrible at chapter summaries. Solona and Cullen meet together for the first time since the Blight. This chapter is really warm and cozy :) It's a feel-good chapter that we need right now in America. Grab a cup of tea, and soft hoodie and join our characters for this Side Quest.

Chapter 14: side quest

"Oh Leliana, I'm sorry I must have fallen asleep," he said rubbing his eyes like a child. "I had this awful dream that the Warden was here and I was in my small-clothes.

"Which Warden would that be?" Solona's voice sang from behind her.

He jumped unsure at what he heard and then jumped again as she stepped into the room. "I um, uh, Warden Stroud?"

"Stroud?" She said inquisitively.

"Um?" he wracked his brain for something to say.

"Does Stroud make you uncomfortable in your small-clothes Commander?"

His face blanched and he looked down, relieved to find that he _was_ in fact actually wearing pants.

"I'm sorry Cullen that was cruel," she said laughing. "I got carried away. It felt like old times again."

"I--I" He stuttered. Leliana had mysteriously disappeared at this point and Solona had made her way through the room looking around. "P-please," he said standing and gesturing to his chair.

"Cullen," she said kindly. "You can sit in your own chair" she chuckled.

"Thank you," he replied as though following her order, still not entirely sure that he was awake.

"No, I mean... Cullen are we not friends?"

He stared at her for a long moment before he said, "Your hair is different."

She smiled at him, "Yes." A moment passed and then she said, "you have a hole in your roof.”

He smiled back, “Yes.”

“Warden-Commander Amell, Feynriel, how lovely it is to see you. Please, do come inside, have a nice cup of tea. To which I mean of course, there is no tea, and well it is also the case that there is no cup. So do come in and have a nice…” She just trailed off there like the adjective was enough of a thing as it might have been. Ironically they were in a house of some sort. It slanted heavily to one side so it was awkward walking around it in, but nonetheless it was a house. 

“I didn’t _actually_ plan this…I sort of maybe ...forgot,” Solona mumbled.

“YOU FORGOT ME?!”

“Well, I sort of fell asleep reading letters and forgot that I would end up here.”

“ _I_ planned on being here. I found your energy in the fade,” Feynriel said."We didn’t come together. What do you mean, that you would end up here Warden-Commander?”

“I have a sort of blood-tie to our Champion here. The other mage and I have been tossing some thoughts back and forth on the topic. It may have to do with my Grey Warden abilities.”

“Aren’t those usually just about sensing darkspawn?” Hawke asked. And Solona made a curious face. “My brother is a Grey Warden, I know all about your taint.”

“Well, there’s one oath he failed. Remind me never to tell him any secrets when we have the next family reunion.”

“It may just be that he can’t keep them from _me_.

“Ah. Well, I am drawn like a magnet to Hawke in the Fade,” Solona explained. 

“But that doesn’t explain why I can feel you?” Hawke said.

“We theorized it may have to do with the fade’s ability to bring you to your desires: a way to leave. In combination with the effect of a Grey Warden ability that releases the taint in my blood to heal or cause spirit damage, which I used on the day that I started to feel your connection.”

“That must have been after the battle with the Nightmare, its attack did draw my own blood. The Nightmare demon was how I ultimately ended up stuck in the fade.”

"Now we suspect that because my physical location is closer to where you were when you entered the fade, the connection is stronger, bringing me right to you," Solona explained.

“What is it that I can do though?" Feynriel asked. "I can only manipulate the fade, I cannot fathom how I would bring you out. Even my Master said it could not be done. Actually my master was surprised you were able to physically get into the fade at all.”

“I have a few ideas. I have this thought that if we use them all at once, then we can’t fail!” Solona said with a bright face and fanned fingers.

Hawke blinked at her. “I’m going to die.”

“Hey. If you die, I die.” 

“Because your blood is bound to her?” Feynriel asked.

“What? Maker no. Her husband is going to cut my head off.”

“Fenris would ne—yes I can see that possibility.”

“Solidarity Sistah,” Solona said. “So first thing I am going to need from you Feynriel is a mirror.”

“It just so happens, that I already have one of those!” Hawke said while searching through her pack. She pulled out the mirror she got from the nightmare and showed it to them.

“It is a little smaller than I would need for my idea.”

“That is okay though,” Feynriel cut in. “It is easier to manipulate the basic elements of an item than it is to create them, but who is that?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really looked into—“ she paused. “Wait. I can feel…thoughts.”

“Oh. This has happened to me before. There was this crystal, a person trapped…anyway, now I’m an Arcane Warrior.” She continued to speak but Hawke was focused on the mirror. Feynriel and Solona were discussing elements of her plan but Hawke was now suddenly feeling very emotionally attached to this small mirror. It was around the size of a small plate and it felt warm to the touch. She could feel war with the Nightmare, she could feel fear and pain. There was something almost itchy in the back of her mind that was annoying her but she couldn't quite focus on what it was until she felt it wrapped around her shoulders. She tried to tear her eyes away from the mirror but it was painful and the spirit trapped inside was scared and panicked. 

“—awke!” Duty yelled. She blinked at him several times as he held her arms making her take a step back and drop the mirror. She shook her head and rubbed her face with her hand.

She looked around Feynriel and Solona were gone. "Where?"

"Your vision was caught by the spirit, they have been gone. I had been calling your name many, many times," Duty replied. 

"Was it a demon?" Mouse asked.

"I think she's desperate. Trapped, in the mirror. The Nightmare held her captive. Laughed at her. She was scared. I think I need to save her. She showed me a fountain that would free her. I feel like if the fade takes you to your desires. I'll bet..." She trailed off as she started walking toward the front door of the house. Opening it led to a vast garden and she could see that at the center of it was the fountain she needed to take the mirror.

The garden was filled with flowers and bushes of all kinds, many she had never seen before. "This looks like a picnic for Merrill. I can just imagine her frolicking in the hedges all hopped up on elfroot." She laughed. 

“You brought the mage fugitive that started a war and killed so many people in the terrorist attack on the Chantry to _MY_ home?!”

“If I can expla—“

"Because of the events that he started, the Divine is Dead!" She yelled.

"But he isn't--"

“You realize the Inquisition is an arm of the Chantry?!” For such a small Elvhen body she was able to loudly express her points.

“To be fair Inquisitor, I clearly remember you saying it wasn’t the arm of the Chantry, only last week,” Varric cut in.

“I wasn’t going to tell her that Varric,” the Inquisitor said through clenched teeth as though he had exposed her secret.

“Either way, having him here looks highly disagreeable to those that support us,” Josephine stated plainly.

“Listen I know it looks bad, but he's not even the same person—“

“He cannot stay,” the Inquisitor said firmly.

Solona looked into her eyes took a breath and tightened her lips. “Then _I_ cannot,” Solona finished. She then turned, opened the door, and closed it calmly.

"She just _has_ to have the last word. Dread Wolf take her, I liked her until yesterday," Lavellan said.

“I will not argue your decision Inquisitor, but she would have been an immense help in the Arbor Wilds,” Leliana’s cool voice spoke.  
“I’ll talk to her,” the Inquisitor whined.

“It wouldn’t matter, once set, her mind is rarely changed,” Morrigan said.

As the ever-present black city loomed above, the trio made their way to the center. There, a large stone fountain that could have come directly from Val Royeaux itself, rose up from the ground. Marian Hawke peered into the water only to find that the refection was the same as the mirror and not her own. She opened her pack and pulled out the mirror careful of the delicate object and held the glass side down over the water slowly lowering it down the surface. Hawke could feel the freedom and the elation surging through the metal disk until she let it go into the water. Peace came to Marian as she stood there feeling as though she really helped the spirit that was trapped for so long just as Hawke was trapped. She turned around to Duty and smiled feeling relief after the mirror had gripped her heart.

The fountain cracked. Loudly. Down the center, a deep gash split the fountain in two. The water circled around in streams upward into the air and in a gust of wind and smoke, she materialized with a wicked smile and two fear demons on her sides.

"The Nightmare locked me away for encroaching on his territory, but now I am free and he is banished. I am trapped no more! Now I am the Nightmare" she screamed. Violently, their surroundings moved out from under them as though they were moving at a furious pace until the ground under their feet was once again that of the nightmare Hawke had left. "Time to sleep my dears, time to feed."

As she stepped out of the war room, she had to use her hand to support herself on the nearby wall. "Dammit," she whispered forcing herself down the hallway. Her knees grew weak and she leaned on the wall. Nathaniel faded out of stealth.

"What will we do Commander?" He asked.

She straightened. "What else can we do. We leave. We can go to the Vigil. He won't like it, but what are they going to do tell me no? I trust the Silver Order, I can ask them to get the mirror from the Dragon Wastes." The flow of magic created ice crystals in her hand. She held it to her forehead. "Fenris is going to kill me."

"I won't let that happen," he reassured her. 

The door to the war room opened and closed behind them and she jumped at the sound. Cullen just about ran up to them. "You're leaving then?" he asked so innocently.

"I wasn't given a choice. I'm sorry Commander, it seems we are fated to always be just out of reach."

"It doesn't have to be, you could find a way. Who is this mage? Why must you stay with him?" 

She almost laughed and nodded to Nathaniel dismissing him. "You mean you don't remember him?" Nathaniel cautiously walked into the main hall. "The mage that jumped in the lake at morning exercises and you all had to take your armor off in order to go after him." She held her hand over an impolite laugh. "Nothing could take away the memory of you ripping off your breastplate diving in and then fighting a losing battle with your robe before swimming to the other side in your tunic and small clothes. I didn't see you again for a week but that was a good memory." She was wiping a tear from her eye and he was white as a ghost.

" _That's_ the same mage?! The witty bastard that avoided all confrontation with quip and innuendo?" he asked "He's incredibly different. Almost...Empty."

The tears from laughter slowly faded into deep sadness and she barely whispered "one and the same." At the same time she lost her control and her knees buckled again. Caught by the Commander, he pulled her arm over his head. "I have a confession to make Ser. The confidence you see when you look at me," she looked into his face and he held her gaze "It's a lie."

"Varric, I would like to get back to my desk," Josephine loudly whispered. They were all leaning against the door. Everyone except for Morrigan who casually was reading a tome by one of the windows.

"You have most of your papers on that piece of wood you carry around Ruffles, can't you do a crossword or something while you wait?"

"This is ridiculous. Relegated to snoop and sneak in my own Keep Varric," Lavellan said.

"Lies. Your loving every bashful, stuttering second of the Commander's awkwardness toward the Warden," Leliana smiled.

"You brought her here for _him_ didn't you?" Josephine asked.

"One of the ravens brought me news of her location. If I encouraged her in other ways, I'll never tell. But if I did, I would say I brought her here for _her._ "

"Can we talk about this? No?" A dozen more demons solidified from thin air. The demon from the mirror was laughing madly. Marian Hawke lifted her staff and propelled bolts of fire from Voracity toward the pack of demons facing them. Mouse was in bear form and using his powerful claws to make his way through just as Duty was wielding the sword Fenris carried striking his opponents with force and precision. "That's one more for me, we're keeping score right?" she yelled to her companions.

Ghosting into solid form Solona took shape and as a warrior honed in the art of war, she was immediately in a ready stance, snapped on her combat magic and running toward the battle. Her black blade sliced quickly and neatly through one demon and then the next. "Aww, it fell down." She rolled over to the next and just when she was about to stab clean through, it flew to her left from the force of a large stone fist. She blinked and used her right arm to sweep around behind her to attack the creature coming up on her before having the chance to turn her head to see where the spell had come from. 

"I didn't order more, where are they coming from," Hawke quipped.

The Inquisitor was spinning her staff over her head and slamming it into the ground. The cold energy it created froze the demon to Solona's right and she took the opportunity to shatter the creature to pieces.

"Hah! Let's wipe them out quickly!" Solona yelled.

The Nightmare was irritated with her lack of demons and yelled, "No more pets, face me! I will show you true fear!" Darkness shrouded them. Hawke and Lavellan held their staves up glowing to show through the darkness. 

"What kind of self-respecting mage uses a sword, Solona." she murmured to herself. 

Curiously the darkness started to abate. "Hawke? I can't hold it long, help!" Feynriel had his arms up behind them all trying to manipulate the darkness of the fade.

"Let's finish this!" she yelled and pulled fire from above to rain down. They attacked in fierce alliance shooting bolts where a vulnerable hole was made and in between. Fenris and Solona's swords struck without delay between each other's strokes and Mouse's strength lowered the resistance of the demon and eventually, the spirit screamed and gave up her fight melting into the energies of the fade.

With the death of the demon, Feynriel could hold onto the Inquisitor and himself no longer and they faded from the dream. At the same time, something stirred Solona and she faded from the dream realm as well.

Hawke looked rather nervously to Duty and Mouse (who had morphed back into human form). Mouse opened his mouth and said, "You let out a demon," and she quickly put a finger to his lips.

"We will never speak of this again," she said quickly, spun on her heel and walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter. It took me longer than usual too because I wanted it to be just right. I really worked on the characterization in this chapter. I hope that Cullen's nervousness around Solona shines through and Hawkes sassy do first think later character takes the cake. I also am trying really hard not to describe what Hawke or Solona look like, so when Cullen says "Your hair is different" he doesn't say shorter, or longer because I want you to be able to use your own characters in your imagination here. So if you imagine her hair is now blue or maybe grey because she's getting older, this is totally canon. Do it. Besides Cullen's hair is different too :p I spent 3 days on one line about Cullen's pants that I ultimately removed because it's more amusing without it.


	15. Leaving so soon?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The taboo of having Anders around becomes a liability for the Inquisition. Solona recovers from losing consciousness but plans for their departure if only to keep Anders safe. Saying goodbye to her friends is never easy.

"Varric?"

"hmm?"  
"Why are we lying on the floor in the War Room?"

"Well you fell asleep waiting for Curly and the Warden to leave the hallway, so I laid down next to you so everyone would think we were chillin."'

The thin blanket that covered her could have been nonexistent for how cold she felt. A noise throbbed in her head her worse than the temperature though and she started to stir.

"If you touch one drop of her blood..." 

"Anders," she said groggily. Her eyes still closed and her brow furrowed. "I'm fine." The healer shrugged and walked away to another bed.

"Are you?" he asked. 

She nodded opening her eyes with effort. "It's dark?"

"It's after midnight. You passed out some time ago. Cullen brought you here and sent for us. I don't think he expected me, or maybe he was annoyed with me? Fenris is on watch to make sure no one kicks us out just _yet_." He was talking quietly so as to not disturb the others in the room.

"I'm sorry Anders."

"I can't expect them to understand." He had tightness in his throat that barely let the words escape. "I haven't fully come to terms with it myself. I don't think I would have ever asked for help Sol. I had friends that probably could have, but I couldn't..." his voice cracked and he trailed off. After a moment he finally gave her a breathy "thank you."

"I have not done anything worthy of your thanks in a long time, Anders." She finally fully awake looked around and noticed Cullen to her right sitting in a chair backward with his head resting on the back of it, sound asleep.

Into the room suddenly ran a nervous Feynriel, causing Cullen to jolt awake.

"Ah Feynriel, I suspect that was all your doing?" Solona asked softly.

The young man turned green. "The demon?" he shrieked, causing the healer to turn to him and give him a facial expression of disproval.

Anders repeated, "demon?"

"What demon?" Cullen asked already awake and alert at the word.

"I would hardly call the Inquisitor a demon," Solona laughed. "I assume you pulled her into the nightmare?"

"I can only do one and o-only sometimes, I tried it with my master--"

"Is it difficult to hold?" she asked curiously and he hesitated but nodded. "In the future Feynriel, I do not like to manipulate people into doing my bidding. Please give people the opportunity to choose for themselves instead of choosing for them. I've made enough choices for others." The last line she said more quietly and perhaps even unheard if not listening closely enough.

"I just thought...I thought if she saw Serah Hawke trapped there, she'd understand why we need her help."

"We talked already about what we're going to do--"

He cut her off, "but you saw her stone fist, she pulled it out of the fade itself."

"Speak of the devil," Anders said under his breath. In stepped the Inquisitor herself alongside Varric. 

"I almost wilted with your elf in the hallway."

"What broody? He's more bark than bite," Varric responded to her.

"That's Hawke's husband," Solona said.

"Did _he_ tell you that?" Varric asked. The healer was giving them more looks of disproval but when the Inquisitor became part of the party, she only rolled her eyes and tried to help others back to sleep.

"I suppose I just assumed? Are they not married? They sure act like they are. He's never corrected me." 

"Come on Dreamer, I'll show you where they serve a good drink around here," taking a cue from the healer, Varric took Feynriel and out of the room.

"I don't drink" Feynriel replied as they were walking out.

"Great, I'll have yours too," Varric said from the hallway.

"Please _Hero of Fereldan_ , enlighten me. Why didn't you start earlier with 'hey remember that shem you left in the fade?'" Lavellan said. Solona sighed, feeling suddenly very uncomfortable sitting in a bed. "I thought she died! I thought she was stuck in the nightmare, Varric sent letters. Varric is going to kill me." 

"Wait, what do you mean you _thought_ she was dead," Cullen said.

"Hawke is stuck in the fade. Don't worry, there are a lot fewer demons than you'd think. Something about them leaking through into the world," Solona said dismissively. 

"Can we talk about the Bereskarn in the room?" Cullen interjected and they all turned to look at him. "Why did you pass out Solona?"

"Ha," she said in a way that did not seem funny at all.

"We theorized that her lifeforce is now connected to the Champion's," Anders said quietly giving Solona a knowing look.

"So when Hawke was fighting in the fade," the Inquisitor started

"That connection brought them together," Anders finished and nodded, staring directly into Solona's eyes.

"Excuse me, but if you are all quite finished, there are those that would choose sleep over discussions of the fade," the healer said from behind them all.

"We will be gone at first light Inquisitor," Solona said as the healer shuffled them out of the room.

Anxiously waiting outside the tavern stood the Inquisitor pacing. Waiting. Just when the right person stepped out of the threshold she put her arm around him and whisked him away. "Feynriel, I need to get back into the fade to see her."

"Did you talk to Solona?" 

"She's probably resting right now, which is perfect right because she'll be there?"

"I--I guess?"

"Great! Let's find a comfy place to sleep!"

"Well this is awkward," Hawke said.

"I thought you died!" the Inquisitor finally spoke. She was staring at Hawke unblinking, trying to desperately process what had happened. "You've been stuck in this nightmare!"

"Oh no, actually I left for a bit; spent some time in a maze, a lovely garden, walked around in some tree houses. The fade is actually quite lovely this time of year... when all of the demons are currently trying to get to Thedas ...through all the rifts."

"Fen’harel ver em, telharthan. I don't understand. All this time, I thought you were--It was my--" she sank to her knees. "Warden, why didn't you tell me! Varric is going to kill me!"

"What would I have told you while you were busy telling me I had to get rid of Anders."

"Anders?!" Hawke questioned anxiously. "What do you mean Anders?!"

"Did you miss the bit where we killed the Vengeance demon?"

"That was Justice?! We killed Justice?!" Hawke was anxiously pacing now. "He said it was corrupted, I didn't listen. But he said it was _his_ fault. That his hatred was the reason that Justice was corrupted." Hawke was frantic "I stabbed him! I tried to kill my friend and the whole time he was just possessed?!"

"It is more likely the taint in his blood corrupted Justice before you even met him. But wait, you stabbed him? Like once? He's a healer...you know this right?"

"If I drink enough sometimes I can pretend I'm not thinking about it. Sadly there isn't a whole lot of wine in the fade."  
"I have been working on--" but whatever it was Solona was going to say was cut short as she was woken with a gentle hand and a whisper.

"I will miss you, Sol," Leliana said as she leaned her head on the shoulder of her friend. "Should I expect that you will be impossible to get in touch with once you leave?"

"I'm not sure where I will go Leli."

"You have to go with Anders?"

"I owe it to him. It's my fault that he's-- I should have been there for him. I left them all with no support because I had to run away like an adolescent."

"He is a grown man, he makes his own choices. You don't have to coddle him like a child."

"You're probably right. But my heart is uneasy knowing he's so alone and so empty now. I wish you had met him, well, you were in Orlais, busy becoming important to the Divine. He had wit and sass to make you laugh tears for hours. He was there for me when Alistair had dropped me. I have to be there for him now.

"There are some nearby safe-houses I could lend to you."

"We can't go anywhere that is tied to the Inquisition. Your Ambassador is right. It will only weaken the Inquisition. It's more likely we will have to find a hole in the wall somewhere or worst-case scenario, I will have to plead his case before the First Warden in Weisshaupt. Though he's a Grey Warden now in name only. The last time that happened they practically drop kicked Fiona to the curb. I can't talk to him about it yet. I've been focusing on getting Hawke out of the fade, the magical science of it keeps him from thinking about all the death."

"When you finally settle. I hope you will send me a _real_ letter."

"I promise to send you a real letter," she winked and smiled.

"I would only need to punch a hole," Solona said.

"If you 'punched a hole' you risk the collapse of the crossroads itself. It was formed from the very fabric of time of space in ancient days. If you somehow managed to not collapse the pocket, you risk drawing in Corypheus and a whole host of demons. If it were me, I would use a summoning circle."

"That would take an immense amount of power to pull a living human through the fade."

"And creating a hole in the fade wouldn't?"

"I had hoped the Inquisitor would help with that, though I suppose she'll help me right out the front door first."

"Her mark isn't stable enough that she would be able to use it at will."

"Summoning science it is."

"I hope they taught you well at your circle."

"So do I Morrigan."

"Were you able to get the Lyrium you needed from your dwarven friend?"

"No, the letters haven't had time to reach him. And I don't know if I'll have time to reach Finn either. We're just going to have to give it our best shot and see if it works."

"Don't you always?"

"Indeed."

"I'm sorry, I miss judged you, Anders." He was standing on the battlements high above Skyhold when Nathaniel walked up behind him.

"To be fair, I don't think I am the same person anymore, " he replied.

"I don't know how anyone could be after all that," Nathaniel said. The silence filled the space between them but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was just quiet.

""A world full of beauty but beauty goes overlooked." Justice said that once." The sunlight had started to crest the mountains creating a brilliant white line that made the snow caps glow.

"When I became part of the Grey Wardens, I had been so full of anger and utter sadness. She never pressured me to become more than what I am. She never told us that we were forced to stay. She's always wanted us to be who we are. If I said I was there to assassinate her, she would have handed me the knife. And here we are, unable to leave her side. That friendship Anders is what brought me peace. That friendship, gave me a new family in the Wardens, with her _and_ you. Together we could take on any hardship. After the Vigil we all kind of drifted. I know how it affected me. You can see how it affected her," Nathaniel said.

"She's been showing signs of the taint affecting her. Shaky hands, distant looks, avoidant, anxious. I told the others that she was connected to Hawke in the fade physically, but we both know she lost consciousness because the taint is affecting her body."

"I don't mean the taint, Anders. I mean she's lonely. You're lonely. I'm--lonely too. We need people around us. To take care of us, to comfort us, to support us. Had she known about Justice, had _I_ known about Justice, I would have helped Anders. I would have done anything to help." Anders kept his eyes fixed on the horizon. "That's beauty, Anders. And we so often overlook those that mean the world to us."

"Even if you had stayed, I have a duty to go. The army is needed in the south and I must lead them."

She smiled and looked up at him. "Such as the path leads Commander." 

He looked down at her smile and couldn't control the impulse that lead him to gently pull her in close, cupping her face in his hand and pressing his soft lips to hers. Surprised, but blissful, she closed her eyes at his kiss and leaned into the warmth of him. His furs and chest invited her closer and she held onto him for a long moment. 

"Write to me," he asked and his eyes begged her. Her only response was a smile because she was suddenly out of words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another I-didn't-see-that-coming author note. Anders and Nathaniel. Why was this never obvious to me before?
> 
> Also, that kiss has me melting inside.


	16. Calm before the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations are underway to bring Hawke back to Thedas, just as preparations are being made for the Inquisition army to collide with Corypheus in the Arbor Wilds. Solona solidifies her plans even while still reeling from a mountainside warmth that her mind keeps wandering back to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so short this week. Honestly, I had more, but I deleted a whole lot decided to go in another direction. I went through this weird moment where I realized 'hey I'm the author I can literally (literally) do anything I actually want,' and the immense wealth of possibilities as to how this could go crippled me for a bit in writing. I'm content with how this chapter turned out but I have chills still for the next one that I may have started a little bit of so I didn't forget where I wanted it to go. I hope you all enjoy this brief chapter and are looking forward to next week!

“Commander if you flushed any deeper, I’d suspect a fever,” Leliana said with a mischievous grin.

“The way her lips softly caressed his, is a memory that he is trying to hold in his mind. He fears that he will never see her again,” the compassion spirit appeared beside them.

“Timid boy, no longer,” Morrigan said quietly.

Cullen reddened further “Thank you, Cole,” he said sarcastically.

“I think we have teased the Commander enough for today,” the voice of reason came from the Inquisitor. They were making preparations to move the army south into the Arbor Wilds. They would go first and the Inquisitor to follow shortly thereafter. They had made the decision to go forward with their plan that morning and had hoped preparations would allow them to leave the next day. It would take them away for several weeks but Corypheus must be stopped and because of this, they were all working together to collect food and supplies to feed the army.

“Focus your minds on war. Time for former lovers will come later,” Cassandra said moving bags of grain toward the front gates. And with that Cullen walked away to hide away from them all. 

Dragon 9:42 Solona Amell.

He kissed me. 

Cullen kissed me, and I let him. 

I pride myself on being able to control my emotions. I defeated the Archdemon after all, just after Alistair broke up with me. My thoughts keep wandering back to the warmth I felt on that mountain. Surrounded by arms that had no expectations of me. Probably the only person in the world with no expectations of me. 

The expression on her face while writing was that of peace and calm contentment and it didn't escape Anders's notice. It was the first time that he had seen such an expression since the circle tower ages ago before they had both grown up.

Nathaniel had scouted their current location after expressing concern about being in an area that others may stumble upon. His exact words were “too vulnerable.” After the idea of going back to the Vigil was rejected, they decided to go deeper into the Crossroads to find shelter. It led to a strenuous journey that took them the better part of a day to climb and jump across chasms to get to their current resting place, but it was a good distance away from the mirrors near Skyhold’s. 

They had been camping for a few weeks at the bottom of a stone ruined building. The crumbling upper floor of said building shielded them view though it only covered their room partially. It seemed large enough for the purpose and would take some effort to get to or to get away from if a demon got through instead of Hawke. The room may have been large, but the books and papers that Solona had strewn about the floor had covered up most of it aside from the place that they had their sleeping blankets and a small brazier that they used for campfires. 

Feynriel had been keeping Hawke company every night and when he could, taking Fenris with him. They had been making sure she had the things she needed, but mostly they were keeping her from going stir crazy. “I think she is mostly bored. Waiting for someone to rescue her, is something that is new to her. She is usually the one finding a way to save someone else,” Anders said. Everyone else had gone to sleep but Anders and Solona sat by the brazier lit with fire. Nathaniel had night watch, but he was out of earshot.

Solona agreed, “I think she has a lot more time than she is comfortable with to think about things. I suggested journaling, and she said she had started but got bored. I can imagine she doesn’t have a whole lot of new things happening to record on paper. And the old things… even I struggle to write.”

“I understand that entirely,” he replied.

“Speaking of, do you want to talk?” She asked.

“About?”

“Ha. About Skyhold, about Justice, about the Vigil?”

“That’s a great question, do you want to talk about Avernus? Cullen? Blood magic? Where the hell you have been?” 

“Cullen?” She said confused.

“That’s what you got out of that?”

“Your right,” she sighed. “We’re a pair you and me. We talk about nothing and hide everything behind a mask.”

“I didn’t though," he said quietly. "For a short time anyway.” His eyes were focused on the fire. “The one thing about Justice was that he saw right through my mask. Everything I felt he amplified. Every emotion, every feeling, even the song. Now that he’s gone, everything is quiet. Like coming out of a loud party onto the quiet streets. I feel like I’m deaf. I feel like I’m numb. I feel nothing. And then I get angry. But now that he’s gone, it's like my voice is gone too. So I struggle to say that I can barely feel this life of mine that I’m watching slip away through my fingers.”

“You were there for me when my life was breaking into pieces. Your friendship means more to me than--I don’t want you to have to paint a new mask to hide behind. Is there a way that you…” She trailed off and started again, “that you can find solid ground between the Anders you were and the Vengeance you became. Can you be a small voice of reason and change instead of a loud voice of merciless force?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to do it alone. After the dust settles from all of this, I’m not going to leave this time. We can go together. I will be with you like you were for me.” 

A few minutes went by before anything was said and then Anders said quietly, “You know this isn’t your fault Sol, don't you?” 

She said nothing for a while. A long pause that spoke volumes. Finally, she said, “Get some sleep, Anders. Tomorrow we have work to do.”

“How are you going to open the fade without Lyrium Sol?” Anders asked.

“I have some Lyrium left, its not a lot, but it’s going to have to work. I will need you and Fenris to be in the fade because this is going to light up like a beacon for demons nearby. I only hope that I can time it at a time when the Inquisitor is fighting Corypheus so that he will be focused on her and not us. You will need to fight the demons trying to get to the mirror. Nathaniel, you will have to be here with me in the Crossroads. If something goes wrong and someone other than Hawke gets through you will need to strike and strike quickly to keep it from getting further into the crossroads.”

"My role is in the dream?" Feynriel asked.

"Yes, just as we talked about. I will use less power if you can dream and I will need all I can. You just have to focus on the mirror and just as you formulate honey cakes for Hawke, ask the mirror to be an eluvian. We're cheating, and the fade won't like it, it will take a good amount of mana," she explained. 

"No pressure," Anders said with a comforting smile and Feynriel nodded somewhat apprehensively. 

"I do not relish the thought of not being here when she comes through," Fenris said.

"You will have to _relish_ the thought of protecting her in the fade. I need Nathaniel here in case any demons get through. You can't afford for Corypheus to call the Wardens while you're fighting demons anyway. Duty will help you on the other side and likely Mouse as well."

"I will do as you say, so long as Hawke comes through," the elf brooded.

"Peachy," Sol said under her breath and sighed. "I will send you through. If this doesn't work, we can always get more lyrium at the Vigil, I will just have to send for it and we can try again." She looked down to hide her face from them. "I spent years in isolation. Researching. Hiding. Hiding from this public figure that I became overnight. Suddenly I was expected to...and Alistair..." She took a deep shaky breath. Her hands started to quiver again. Anders came alongside her and gently pulled her hand into his own, and Nathaniel the other. She turned from one side to the other and smiled at them. "I forgot how much I needed my dear friends. Trying to find a way to extend my life, I think perhaps I wasted some of it. I won't waste it anymore. Thank you all for reminding me, even you Fenris, that people are important." She let go of their hands and retrieved what little lyrium she had from her pack and placed it in the center of the circle she had drawn earlier and started to say the words to send Anders and Fenris through.

"Sol?" Anders said.

"Hmm?" she said preoccupied with the spell.

"We all knew about his interest in you at the circle. The whole blighted tower knew how he felt. No one knew how you did though. Well, not no-one, but I think I am alone on that understanding." She reddened, unable to hide her feelings about it. He didn't get to see her blush however because the spell completed and in the fraction of a second, the pair were in the fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end of the 'rescue Hawke' storyline and I have ideas for a continuation stewing in my mind written all over my dragon age fanfic journal. I hope you all love the ending of this arc and stay with me through the next. This is the beginning of the end here. Thank you all so much for sticking with me and following the story through. I loved reading and responding to your comments and I hope you will continue on as we continue. <3


	17. Giving everything you have left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time to bring Hawke out of the Fade. We've reached the climax of our story, and our heroes are putting every effort they can into the struggle that is getting Hawke out of the fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was super emotional for me. I hope you all enjoy it!

“Anders?” Hawke said surprised. The last time she saw him, was when she had tried to kill him. Coming to her rescue as he was, felt unexpected and wholly unworthy.

“Hawke,” he replied nervously, but it was swallowed up in the biggest bear hug as she wrapped her arms around him. She was blubbering apologies when Fenris pulled them apart like a jealous lover. 

“He may not have a demon inside him, but he’s still a mage—“ Fenris started  
“So am I,” she replied to him scathingly giving him a look that withered him on the spot.

“I apologize,” he said to her with meaning and she turned back toward Anders with a contented smile. It felt as though this apology was not the first to have been spoken between the two and Feynriel took a step back to give space to all involved parties.

Anders looked relieved and as though just a little piece of peace came back to him.

Standing in the midst of their crossroads home, Nathaniel and Solona stood a pace apart. Feynriel was comfortably aside wrapped in blankets and sleeping soundlessly. Solona was clear formed, not needing the combat magic to increase her strength, but amplifying her Arcane ability instead of increased power and mana. “Nathaniel, I lied to Anders. I don’t have enough lyrium for this and I’m kind of winging it. It’s going to take a lot of power, and I’m not sure if…” she trailed off.

He hesitated but then said comfortingly, “I don’t know how magic works, but if you feel like it’s beyond you, let it go. There is always another solution to be found in every situation. It may not have all the ideal outcomes, but there is always another solution.”

She nodded and used a knife to bite slowly into her arm. “Here we go,” she said. Raising her hand up in the air, she pulled down a lightning strike that burst through her empowering the taint in her blood. _Remember, electricity is the catalyst. Blood is the key._ Her eyes lit blue and the blood taint burst into a spherical aura around her. 

Cullen, 

I feel as though it seems somehow lacking, the time we spent together. The fairness of it all comes to mind, or the lack thereof rather. I felt as though I had left my life at the circle behind and the hatred you had for me at the tower so long ago seemed to only confirm my path. I admit the pain from such a moment was something I had carefully sealed up in my heart so I could begin a new life without looking back. The moments that had been stolen away almost another lifetime ago, flooded back at the sight of your letters. I am not a person that holds my heart out for all to see, and I struggled to keep my emotions in check. Especially around those that knew me so well. Seeing you at Skyhold, feeling your warmth and your kiss. I feel greedy for thinking that I want more of all of it. I want nothing more than to be held in your arms once again. It seems as though that this path, however, was never the direction I was meant to follow, as I now am here far away as ever from you and by the time you read this, it may be even further as I am unable to hold the confidence I once held on my ability. Even so, I wanted to write to you as you so eloquently wrote to me. Thank you, Cullen, for loving me even when I was out of reach.

I will think of you always,   
Warden-Commander Solona Amell

Hawke Fade Shifted into combat magic. She had been studying from Solona every moment she could in order to get stronger at the spells. She had reached the point in which she could feel the real world just beyond her grasp. “The only thing I can’t get used to is just standing around waiting for her to take me.” The feeling around her was one of standing on the edge of apprehension and anticipation waiting for the summoning to take place. 

“If you cast, or act on any spell you could disrupt the spell Solona is casting,” Anders said. “I don’t know if she has the mana to start again.”

“I don’t know how any of these spells work. My master said it couldn’t be done,” Feynriel added his input.

“Just focus on the mirror Feynriel. Solona has a wealth of power even I can’t grasp.” 

“You aren’t kidding,” Hawke blurted.

“What do you mean?” Anders asked.

“When she’s here in the fade. I can feel her. Our blood connection allows me to feel her. I can sense her depth of mana and her exhaustive power. She’s not normal.”

“Indeed?” He said curiously, but at the same time like she answered his suspicions. 

“That kind of power should never go unchecked,” Fenris added and Hawke rolled her eyes.

“And yet,” the small voice of Mouse spoke, “for someone so powerful, she is so anxious about how others feel about her.” They were quiet for a while, but they knew it was all about to start when the demons started to materialize around them.

“Duty, Mouse, it’s been a pleasure,” she said. 

The archaic words from Solona’s lips started off soft but grew louder and more enhanced as the air swirled around the summoning circle. Nathaniel stood by her with daggers drawn and ready for action. His head twitched to the side for a brief moment and he shook it like he was trying to clear his thoughts.

Anders,

My cherished friend and sole companion from the time of my youth to now. You were with me at the tower, after Alistair's breakup, and you were the first to find me after I had so elegantly run away as far as I could. I was there for nothing for you. I didn't say goodbye at the tower, I never told you I wanted you to stay at the Vigil, I _left you_ in my unnerving shame to the whims of the bastards that forced you to let Justice in. I barely asked you to come with me on this journey. And then, when you had your faith most in me, I killed half of you. I don't know how you still continue to stay by my side. I can't even express how much you mean to me, knowing you have my back and that you care for me regardless of my faults...which are so many. When you said it wasn't my fault, I don't agree. I don't think I will ever agree. Even so, thank you for staying with me.

The spell that I have been casting more and more frequently, I want you to know is not really blood magic. It is, in a sense that it uses blood, but I call upon no demon. Avernus was known for dark and terrible research, but the results he found were undeniably powerful. He created an alchemical concoction many years back now during the blight that used the Grey Warden taint to increase power. He was also able to control the taint in his Grey Warden blood long enough to prolong his life for hundreds of years. I made him swear to only do research ethically from then on and took his alchemical concoction. In the last few years, we had been working and researching together to find a cure for the calling. I wasn't lying about that. In that time, I have taken quite a few new versions of his alchemical concoctions in hopes that they would cure the blight in me. I am afraid I have begun to show signs of my calling coming soon. The song is ever-present in my mind now and I, well, I am not long for this world. With every vial, I could feel more and more power running through me like lightning building up in the atmosphere, but I could still hear the song.

The last of his research talked about him using his own blood to create the last vial. He theorized that this time, it would cure the taint entirely. The problem is, I cannot recreate it because it contains his blood and he is no longer. So even if I carry around with me a cure, if I use it, it can save no one else. The other problem is that there is no telling what side effects it may cause. Will I lose my Grey Warden ability as you have and as Fiona did? Will I lose the power I have gained by taking these concoctions? If I lose that power, what worth will I have in helping those that I have pledged to save? 

I don't have these answers and I don't know where to go from here. I don't have a path moving forward after this. I don't know how much further the path leads, but wherever it does, I know you'll be there beside me.

Your friend,   
Warden-Commander Solona Amell

The demons were in line to attack now. Feynriel had all of his attention focused on a single small mirror that lay at his feet. It wasn’t very difficult for him to stretch and grow the mirror and as he did, Fenris and Duty back to back were using their heavy swords to strike through, terror, rage, and pride demons as they came. Anders stood back and healed as he could while trying to keep Feynriel and Hawke shielded. 

The oncoming demons did not slow as they fought the forces around them. The small mirror grew into the size of a puddle. "It will have to do, you can just step through when it's ready," Feynriel yelled over the onslaught.

"Is it ready?" Hawke yelled back.

"I'm trying," he said anxiously pushing and pulling at his mana and grinding his teeth. 

"Have you said the right words?" She yelled. "Concentrate, are you focusing enough?" 

She peppered him with questions until Fenris yelled over the fray, "Hawke shut up!" and she tucked her lips together and nervously waited.

The mirror started to stir and Hawke stood on top of it, but the summoning wasn't yet strong enough to pull her through. The mouse demon shifted back into human form along the sidelines reaching out his hand to feel the power of Solona through the slowly opening portal. "She doesn't have enough mana," he voiced concerned, but his voice didn't carry over the roar of the fighting.

"What?" Feynriel yelled back to him. 

"Something about mana?" Hawke yelled back and before their very eyes, the mouse demon burst into light causing several demons nearby him to disintegrate into dust. He held out magic like rays of the sun and poured his will through the mirror. Hawke blinked twice, for the young man that was once arrayed in a simple robe was now armored in blinding silver armor, and warmth radiated off of him. The demon was no more. In his place, stood a Spirit of Willpower.

9:42 Dragon Warden-Commander Solona Amell.

I had thought for a time that I might live to see a demon (as I have come to know him), struggle against his own perception and come out victoriously, in the end, to have fought and overcome the temptation of evil and become once again the benevolent form of a spirit. Though my studies have glanced on the topic of spirits being either tormented, taunted, or tainted into demonic beings, it seems as though it is much more difficult to turn the other direction. To their unending shame which perhaps fuels the demonic influence on them all the more as it is much easier to be a sinner than a saint. It should be noted however that it is very possible. If only such a demon gives up that piece of themselves that they so desperately hold on to. If for example, the demon gives itself up for a human, that act of kindness and caring would cancel out any previous evil that crafted them into being and could then bring forth the spirit in which they once were. It is uncertain as of yet if the demon in question that I have been studying will be able to let go of that malevolent fervor that made it become a demon at the very start or whether he will continue to follow me around begging to be unleashed upon the world. It's getting very tiresome. 

One moment Anders was casting, and in the next blink, he opened his eyes to find he was back in the crossroads. She had pulled him back. She was gritting her teeth and her hair was flying around her. A steady stream of white light washed over her from the mirror. and a blood-red aura swirling in a sphere around her throbbed with her heartbeat. Her eyes glowed blue with smoke and blood-red tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Anders help him!!!" She yelled over the roar of the power.

"What about you?!" He yelled back. She didn't answer but he knew she was too focused to give it another thought. He ran to Nathaniel who was doubled over in pain and shaking. 

Anders lifted his head with both hands and looked into Nathaniel's glossy eyes that saw straight through him. The pain and agony on his face brought Anders to tears remembering the same torment he went through the first time he had met Corypheus. Anders pulled his body close and held him tightly, calling his name into his ear, until Nathaniel stopped shaking and his rapid breathing slowed. Anders pulled back to see Nathaniel's dark eyes come back into focus and the two stared for several moments until the wind died down and the dust settled.

Hawke had come through.

Leliana and Morrigan, 

I promised I would write to you both and I apologize for having to do it in the same letter. My time is unfortunately short and I fear I am unable once again to express the depth of care I feel for both of you, my sisters. In my pride, I left without saying the things I should have said. I fear the calling will take me soon and this time I feel I need to say my goodbyes. I thank the Maker that you two have become so close even if Morrigan denies it. I caught a glimpse of your fine velvet dress, we both know who inspired it's making. I hope that your relationship grows to be one of support and endurance as you both seem to have many trials ahead of you. I don't know how to express my heart right now. I cannot seem to find the words to write to say goodbye. I don't think our paths will cross again before the end, but I believe I was able to at least empower you both to become more than you were when I met the hedgemage in the woods and the Lay Sister in the smallest chantry in Fereldan. I hope you both grow even further beyond your wildest dreams.

Your loving sister,   
Warden-Commander Solona Amell

Fenris already had his arms around his champion and their kisses were numerous. Tears of love and joy, even a smile had cracked through his brooding facade as they held one another tighter and tighter unwilling to let go.

"Um... Hawke? Anders?" Feynriel asked quietly on the side. "I think there's something wrong with the Warden-Commander?" He asked nervously. She had collapsed at the end of the spell and wasn't moving. Anders and Nathaniel ran over to her and rolled her to see her face that was covered in the blood that ran down from her eyes. 

"She's not--" his words died on his lips as Anders opened her eyes to reveal the white irises of a Grey Warden. He swallowed and held a glowing hand over her. "I...I don't..." His eyes glossed over and he felt the world tilt. Nathaniel on his side caught Anders's shoulders steadying him. He felt hot tears build in his eyes and a pain in his throat that tightened his airway and Nathaniel held onto him tighter. 

"I can't feel her presence like I could in the fade, but just before I came through I felt as though she was being dried up like she used all of her power," Hawke said quickly.

Anders replied, "If that were the only problem, but--"

"Corypheus called us, the Wardens in the middle of the spell," Nathaniel said. "The pain was so intense Anders, so loud. I don't know how she finished the spell at all. I told her to let go of it, I told her it was too much. It was so painful, Anders," Nathaniel was rambling. He had tears in his own eyes.

"Damn it, Sol, you said you were going to stay with me," he yelled at her. 

"Would lyrium help?" Feynriel asked.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. It wouldn't matter, we don't have any," Anders mind was cloudy. "We have to get her back to Skyhold."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. :/ See you next week!


	18. Precipice of Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke bounced onto the bed and sat with her legs crossed at the end of it. When Nathaniel gave her a look of irritation she said "what? it's not like I could bother her." She hadn't. Solona still lay pale, and uncomfortable on the bed. Her vulnerable body occasionally twitched and tensed, but no outside stimulus caused any change in her behavior. "What's this!? Ooooo letters!" She was pulling them out of Solona's bag, and started to break the wax seal on one.
> 
> "What are you doing?!" Cullen demanded.
> 
> "Nothing," Hawke replied. "Maker, honey cakes too!" She pulled out the small cake and took a bite as she was fiddling through the letters.
> 
> "Put those back, those are Solona's personal property."
> 
> "Well, we're really like family anyway. She's my beloved cousin, whom I just recently became aquatinted. And look at that she's already leaving me things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few important notes for the future of this fic at the bottom. Be sure to read them after the chapter.

The small room in the heart of Skyhold lit up brightly for a brief moment from a mirror on one side. The mirrored glass became a liquid surface moments before Hawke stepped through. Standing before the mirror, she quickly ushered the others through. 

"They won't be happy I've returned," Anders said.

"Then don't tell them," Hawke quipped.

Anders and Nathaniel held onto a makeshift stretcher with their Grey Warden-Commander laying unconscious on the wooden board. Every few moments or so she would twitch or tremble.

"Let's get her to the healer, and then worry about it," Nathaniel said.

Their party walked through the door of the room to find chaos in the garden. People were everywhere and none of them standing still. There was debris everywhere. Rocks and boulders pieces of stone building material lay about the garden area. The sky was dark and cloudy but the breach was gone and in its place was a ribboned blue light scar that changed and shifted with the clouds. Hawke grabbed the nearest person, "We need a healer--" but before she finished her sentence the woman chuckled.

"You'll have to get in line," and she went about her way. Sighing, they made their way through to the hospital rooms. They were full of injured people.

"One place I can actually help," Anders handed the end of the stretcher to Feynriel and went over to the nearest bed. The man had a leg crushed in a falling rock and Anders standing above him spoke a few archaic words and held a glowing blue hand over the leg. The bones slowly moved back into place and the skin stitched itself back together. "You may still have some aching, especially on cold nights. Try to get a few elfroot potions for the pain," he said. The man happily stood on both his legs and made an empty bed. Anders gently lifted Solona in his arms and lay her delicately on the pillow. 

"If you're going to go through all that effort for a bed, I'm going to use you for the rest," the elvhen healer said from behind them. 

"I'll gladly help if you have something you can do for her. Anything." Desperation seeped through his voice. She looked into his eyes and nodded. Bending down over Solona the healer placed her hand on Sol's head, and then on her neck. She opened Solona's eyes and jumped a bit back when she saw the white glow. "Ah Grey Warden," she murmured. 

"She used all of her mana as well. She's completely empty."

"Hmm," she said. "Let's start with a lyrium potion for now and a regeneration potion and give her some time." She snapped in the air and a little human apprentice appeared at her hand with the potions. "Now, you," she pointed at Anders. "Keep up." And then she bustled between people to the next triaged patient. He followed after her and left the others behind.

Marian Hawke,

Cousin. I want you to know if the worst should happen, that I would have done it all over again. I would not wish the loneliness that you had endured and suffered on my worst of enemies and I am inspired by your stamina and strength of character. You couldn't know this, but unintentionally, your blood pulled me out of tormenting loneliness myself. I spent a long time trying to hide. I will forever be grateful for it. I want you to have Starfang, my sword. Keep it in the family, and let Sandal play with it from time to time. Don't let Alistair's grubby hands get on it though, you'll never get it back. Thank you for the company. I will meet you in the fade.

-Solona Amell

"I'm sorry you have to go back the long way Feynriel. I understand that you were able to come through one of the mirrors before."

"Yes. The Warden-Commander had opened the eluvian in my city."

"Will you stop and see your mother before returning? She would be very happy to see you."

"Yes, I think I will. I have missed her very much."

"I'm glad. Be safe on your journey Feynriel. Thank you for all of your help. I couldn't have survived without you."

"It was my pleasure to return the favor of life you had given me. I hope the Warden-Commander wakes soon and I will ask my master if he knows of any possible way to help her."

"Thank you Feynriel. Truly."

"We are even now Serah," he smiled kindly. The caravan that he was following had started to leave and he waved goodbye to Hawke and Fenris as they stood by and watched him go. 

Hawke turned around and looked over the courtyard still bustling with people. The Inquisitor had defeated Corypheus and the people had cheered and started preparing for a celebration that would probably last for several days. She slipped her cool fingers down his forearm and into between his fingers and closed them tightly over his hand. His body turned toward hers using his free hand to wrap around her waist and pull her close. She closed her eyes to fully take in the moment. The unspoken words between them were intimate and clear. She had missed him and he was lost without her. 

"You've got to be shitting me." 

Her eyes snapped open. "Varric," she said with a little surprise.

"You just can't make this shit up." He stood dumbfounded staring at them.

Hawke and Fenris pulled themselves slowly apart. "My trusty dwarf," she mused.

"How are you alive?!"

"Ha. I think it might take a few drinks to sort it all out."

Nathaniel,

I hereby promote you to Warden-Commander of Vigil Keep. I'm not entirely sure if I'm allowed to do that, but we both know I pretty much do what I want anyway. I honestly don't know why I didn't do it before. It's your home. Anyway, you'll only get this letter if something happens to me and you open my pack to find it. If that happens I want you to have the black blade of Asturian's Might. It was a gift from a Grey Warden mentor of mine and it means a lot to me. It's not really a rogue sword, but it's as black as night and I figure that could probably come in handy in and out of stealth. Nathaniel, my dear friend, tell him how you feel. 

\--Warden-Commander Solona Amell.

"Am I imagining it, or do we have a moment to breathe?" Cullen asked.

The Inquisitor laughed, "I can scarcely believe it."

The healer's apprentice, lithe and small slipped in through the people. "Inquisitor? I'm sorry, I was told to give you a message of high importance from the healer."

"You were saying Commander?" She chuckled and then nodded to the apprentice. "Yes go ahead."

"The Warden-Commander is unconscious in the healer's rooms. The healer said she would be unconscious for a while, and that you could enjoy your party, but she wanted you to know of our guest."

"Hmm, curious. Okay, thank you," she said and turned back to Cullen. He had gone completely white. "Commander you can be dismissed if you need to check on things elsewhere. I'm sure you'll be missed but what can we--" but before she finished her sentence he was gone. "And I'm talking to myself...at _my_ party...excellent."

King Alistair Theirin,

 ~~I have avoided writing this letter~~ ~~I have avoided _you_~~ ~~It's entirely unfair of you to come after me after breaking up with me~~ ~~What have I even to do with you?~~ ~~I probably won't be around anymore.~~ Goodbye. ~~Just another thing to add to the list of things Sol has screwed up.~~ ~~It was peaceful, for a time. By myself.~~

-Sol

"Since you interrogated the apprentice she has been avoiding this side of the room," Anders said. He was sitting on the floor next to the bed with his back up against the wall, feeling fatigue wear on him.

"I just wanted to know when they think she will wake up," Cullen mumbled. 

"They don't know any more than I do," Anders replied.

"He's probably more qualified than all of them to tell you being a Grey Warden, a mage and a healer," Nathaniel boasted.

"Yes, thank you for the resume. Why did you come here then? I did not think you would come back after...the Inquisitor kicked you out."

"Thank you, I like being reminded. We didn't have anymore lyrium. It seemed like the immediate need, and this being the closest place, here we are."

"I'm grateful," he said honestly. Nathaniel shared a curious look with Anders and Anders smirked. "I didn't think I would ever see her again. This is not what I--" he breathed heavily and rubbed his face with his hand. "She's so pale." He took his heavy cloak off and covered her small figure in the thick lion fur cloak. Anders rolled his eyes. "I will probably neglect to mention your presence, Anders," Cullen murmured quietly.

"I--I am well aware I cannot stay," he breathed. Closing his eyes and opening them again. "I have no right to ask you, and I will regret the words entirely..." his voice faded. "Ser Cullen, would you...would you watch over her?" Sweat beaded across his brow.

"I am no longer a Templar, but for Solona's welfare, you needn't ask. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Anders swallowed, "that means more than I can express Cullen. Thank you."

Hawke bounced onto the bed and sat with her legs crossed at the end of it. When Nathaniel gave her a look of irritation she said "what? it's not like I could bother her." She hadn't. Solona still lay pale, and uncomfortable on the bed. Her vulnerable body occasionally twitched and tensed, but no outside stimulus caused any change in her behavior. "What's this!? Ooooo letters!" She was pulling them out of Solona's bag and started to break the wax seal on one.

"What are you doing?!" Cullen demanded.

"Nothing," Hawke replied. "Maker, honey cakes too!" She pulled out the small cake and took a bite as she was fiddling through the letters.

"Put those back, those are Solona's personal property."

"Well we're really like family anyway. She's my beloved cousin, whom I just recently became aquatinted. And look at that she's already leaving me things." 

"Put it back."

"Why? It's mine." She held it to her chest protectively.

"It's Solona's."

"It has my name on it." Waving it in his face to see, "Marian Hawke, that's me," she beamed. "There's one for you too. And you Anders, Nathaniel. Aren't you curious?" She licked the stickiness off her lips.

Anders chimed in, "She wrote us letters?"

"She knew it was going to happen," Nathaniel sighed. "She told me...I told her to let go. It doesn't matter. Give me the letter."

Hawke passed out the letters, "this one is for your spy-mistress Cullen, I'll have to take it to her later. And there's one more, but it's not from Solona, it's from someone named Avernus."

"What does it say?" Nathaniel urged.

"Something about a vial..." her eyes grew twice the size and her posture straightened.

Anders, reading his own letter, said: "it's a cure."

"For the calling," Hawke finished staring at him.

"I let go because I couldn't hold on anymore. Spell complete, no reason to keep holding," the voice echoed.

"I know," the Spirit of Will replied.

"Spell complete. Let go," her voice repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends the 1st story arc for Blood Calls to Blood. Our Champion is freed from the fade, and our Hero is surrounded by friends and people that love her. I plan on taking a few week hiatus before starting the second arc Blood Calls to Blood: Nightmares and Dreamscapes. It will continue here so you won't have to search for it on your own. Over the next couple of weeks, I might add a 'questions and answers' chapter if there are questions posted in the comments. How do you think it's going so far, have you been enjoying the story? Where do you think it might lead? What would you like to see? Let me know in the comments. And if you like what you've read feel free to bookmark, or give kudos. Love you all and thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave Kudos if you like it! :D And as always, leave your feedback in the comments! Thanks for reading!!


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